


Home's a Long, Long Way From Us

by TheOtherOdinson



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Depression, Drama, Gen, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26570641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOtherOdinson/pseuds/TheOtherOdinson
Summary: One battle ends. Another begins.
Relationships: Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 96
Kudos: 142





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote two Endgame AUs this year, one funny and one depressing. This is the depressing one.

The battle was over.

Thanos and his forces had faded to ash. There was silence for but a moment as they took in their victory with wonder. The silence gave way to a steadily building wave of noise breaking across the field of battle. Thor saw many embracing, those lost reuniting with those who lost them. The universe restored five years later. Or five years too late.

But the price. Always the universe demanded its price.

Tony Stark was one such price. As was Natasha Romanoff. At the outset of this endeavour to fix the horror Thanos inflicted Thor had thought it wasn't possible to feel any more loss. He was wrong. Here he stood with an aching heart, face wet with the tears shed for his fallen friends.

A hand on his arm. Valkyrie. Glancing behind him Thor took in the meagre - but still fierce - forces of Asgard. Little remained from Hela's rampage and the frantic flight to escape the destruction of their home. Fewer still after Thanos first attacked their ship, then halving those survivors with the Infinity Stones. But here they were. Asgard of now.

Thor drew in a shaky breath. It felt wrong to speak into the wreckage of the battleground. He was sure there many things to be done. More than just Stark fell in the short lived battle. Thor wondered how many of those faces would be known to him. How many more allies and friends lost. They needed to be gathered. The living returned to their homes - should those homes still exist. Someone needed to step forth. Be a leader. Help people.

Thor couldn't.

He wanted to. A part of him said he was needed. It was expected of him. This is what he was meant for. But. He could not. Not before. Not now. Maybe not ever. Not since -

Someone moved swiftly past Thor. It was Sam Wilson. Thor did not know him well, but he seemed a strong ally of Steve Rogers and it was Steve who Sam was seeking. Steve was still staring at Tony Stark's body. Many of them were. Thor had looked away only when he could no longer stand it.

Sam spoke quietly to Steve. "Might be a problem."

"Yeah," Steve was just as quiet. Listening, but not looking away.

"Something still out there. Someone. I don't think it's one of ours."

Steve finally looked away from the body. "What?"

Sam pointed. "He's a ways out there. Or her. Can't tell at this distance. Probably was operating near the back of Thanos' forces. I don't know how this latest snap worked, but I don't think the Stones took them all."

Steve looked out across the barren field. "Just one?"

"Think so."

"I see someone also," that was Strange. Thor hadn't noticed his approach until he was near enough to touch.

Sam looked between Steve and Strange. "Capture? Or kill?"

Steve's jaw clenched tight. "Guess that'll be up to them."

Strange was unconcerned. "Whoever it is can be relocated elsewhere if need be."

"Thor."

Thor blinked. Steve was speaking to him. Valkyrie was still at his side. She'd let her hand fall away at some point. Thor wasn't sure when. His tears were dry. He'd meant to wipe them away and now was left with the salty remnants on his cheeks. He'd meant to do a great many things.

"Might be a remaining hostile out there. We'll go check it out." Steve was speaking more to Valkyrie than to Thor. Thor was getting used to people speaking around him.

"Sure," Valkyrie said. "Holler if you need a hand."

Steve nodded and turned away. "Get us closer?" he asked Strange. Strange responded with the creation of one of his spinning rings to make a portal. An area that looked much like the one they were currently standing in appeared. The other side of the battlefield, Thor presumed. Steve, Sam, and Strange all stepped through it and the portal closed behind them. Thor looked outward to see them reappear close to the treeline that once bordered the Avengers compound. Before Thanos destroyed compound and trees alike.

Thor saw his comrades moving to flank a lone figure moving slowly, but steadily away from them. A pang of uselessness dug into his gut. Thor should be with them. Helping. Proving himself worthy of the hammer Steve Rogers now carried in his hand. Mjolnir still answered to Thor. He was worthy. He knew it. But didn't feel it beyond that first initial triumph in the Asgard of the past. Somehow, Mjolnir did not hold it against him.

"I'm going to help them," Thor told Valkyrie.

"Sure," she said, sounding disinterested. Her focus on the figures moving in the distance. "That's a good - shit."

"What?"

"Go." She gave him a shove. "Now. Go!" Her voice sharp and rising, heedless of the looks others were casting their way.

Confused, Thor readied Stormbreaker to carry him across the distance. He looked to find his comrades through the haze of smoke and ash and debris hanging heavy in the air. But Thor's eyes were always sharp, even without the gift Rocket had given him years earlier, and he found them them easily.

He also clearly saw the figure the trio were rapidly closing in on.

Thor froze. His heart stopped. His lungs seized. He close his eyes and forced himself to look again, not daring to hope. His sight worked. So did his voice. A cry ripped free from his throat and he took to the air. Moments later Thor slammed to the ground between his comrades and the man they were hunting. He stopped them in their tracks with a look that promised pain if they took a step further.

"Thor?" Steve was instantly wary, confused.

Thor did not answer and turned his back to them. He had eyes only for the hunted. His heart resumed beating. His lungs expanded to draw in breath. And his eyes - his eyes could not look away from the man before him.

Loki.

It was Loki. Standing alone in the ruins of the battlefield where Thanos and his forces met their end. Five years after Loki met his end at the hands of the Titan on a ship far from here.

Loki. But not as Thor remembered him best.

Standing at Thor's side once again, tall, proud, and fearless as they discussed plans for the future. Their future. A memory he clung to with all his might.

Loki. But not as Thor remembered him last.

Gasping and kicking, fighting to free himself while Thanos mercilessly choked the life from him. Thor could still hear the sound of Loki's body dropping onto the metal floor. Out of Thor's reach. Forever. Mocking him with the finality of it.

Loki. But not.

Loki had always been slim and fair-skinned, but healthy. The man standing before him now was so thin his cheeks looked hollowed out. Skin sallow with circles under his eyes so deep and purple they looked like bruises. He swayed where he stood. Thor feared a sudden gust of wind would put him in the dirt. This Loki looked...

He looked like the video recordings Thor saw of Loki after he came through the portal in Shield's base years ago. Only worse.

That Loki had all his hair.

This Loki's hair was cropped shorter than Thor's had been on Sakaar. Even then his hair was shorn more evenly than Loki's. So thin in patches Thor could see white scalp. And scars. Two he could see. One from behind an ear and travelling an angry red path sweeping upward over Loki's temple, reaching almost the corner of his eyebrow. The other began high on his forehead and slashed backward over the top of his skull. Not as red, but no less vicious looking.

"Thor, I think it best if we - " Strange spoke somewhere behind him. Loki's gaze slid past Thor, eyes narrowing. Accessing a potential threat.

"Shut up." He spoke too harshly and Loki flinched, his attention returning to Thor. Still accessing, Thor realized. He also realized he'd been standing there for some minutes now staring at this stranger of a brother. As said stranger had been back at him.

"Loki," Thor said. "We meet again. As you said we would. Although sun is in short supply at the moment." He tried for a reassuring smile, hoping it didn't look as brittle as it felt. "Maybe tomorrow."

Loki stared at him like Thor was speaking a language Allspeak did not recognize. Thor took a step closer. Loki took a hasty step back. "Loki," Thor held out a placating hand. "It's all right. It's just me."

"You," Loki said, his voice raspy and so low Thor was sure he wouldn't be able to hear it if he was a mortal. "Thor."

"Yes. Yes, it's me. Loki, what are you doing here? I thought you were dead. Was this Thanos? Did he drag you here somehow?"

"I don't see how that's possible," Strange tried again.

"Thor," Steve stepped up to his side. "This wasn't the Thanos we dealt with before. Remember?" Steve's voice was firm but gentle. Thor hated him for it just a little. "The one who killed - that Thanos is dead. You killed him."

Thor nodded. His eyes grew hot and his face prickly. "I did. But he came back. And so did my brother."

"Loki," Steve said. "I'm Steve Rogers. Do you remember me?"

Loki looked Steve over. Eyed the shield held firm in one hand and Mjolnir in the other. He smiled.

"Creative choice."

"Excuse me?"

Loki laughed, dry and hacking. "Credit where credit is due," he said, voice no louder nor smoother than before. "Two strangers. One a mockery of Thor while the other holds Thor's weapon. Far more creative than you have been of late, Maw."

*******

Thor had been paying attention during the lengthy - and often loud - discussions regarding using time travel as a means to fix their present reality. Travelling not just once, but to multiple points with the purpose of returning with the Infinity Stones. Thor followed the nature of the plan quite well, convoluted as it was. Accessing the past through a quantum realm and any alternate timelines created from any of the visits would in theory leave their own intact. There was no part of it Thor did not understand. But when he offered a caution regarding the nature of what was being proposed, he was ultimately dismissed.

He tried to convey the inherent risks of tampering with any reality as best he could. Explanations of such a nature did not come easily to him. Thor lacked the intuitive capability to impart understanding of complex issues his old childhood tutors wielded with ease. It did not escape his notice these discussions were the kind Loki would have found interesting and been unable to resist offering up his own opinions, welcome or not. That Thor had to down more beers to chase away the choking sadness creeping up his throat perhaps did not help lend weight to his words.

"The past is exactly that. Past. That which has been woven cannot be so easily unmade. Nor should it."

"That's not really what we're talking about, Thor," Bruce spoke with a kindness one might use on a child. It grated. If was Thor less tired he might have taken offence. "Nothing about our pasts will change."

"Yes," Thor said. "Except for where you seek to pull away one strand from each point and stretch it forward, hoping it does not catch on anything along the way."

"There's no way that could happen. We're going to put the...strand back later. It'll be like it was never gone."

"Whilst praying it does not result in a hopelessly entangled knot."

"A knot? What's he talking about?" the man who was also an ant of some kind was speaking. Thor forgot his name.

"Nothing," James Rhodes was shaking his head. "He's had too many."

Bruce's attempt at a reassuring smile looked more like a grimace. "Thor, I understand your concerns. I know the science we're talking about here is really complex, but I promise this will work."

Thor liked humans. He truly did. But they were at times the most insufferable of creatures. So firm in the certainty they knew better than everyone else. Confident in their limited knowledge of the workings of a universe they had not yet ventured out into. They did not see the yawning abyss laid out in front of them waiting to swallow them all whole. Humans were above all confident the ground they walked upon was solid.

Thor was tired of trying to keep them from harm. They never listened anyway. He had sat back in his chair, closed his eyes, and left them to their folly.

Staring at the sickly-looking version of Loki before him - not his Loki, his Loki was gone - Thor realized the magnitude of his error. _I should have made them listen._

"What's going on? What's he saying?" That was Sam Wilson. Footsteps approached and Sam and Strange came alongside Steve and Thor.

Strange looked grim. "Thor, this is not your brother." Thor shook his head even knowing Strange was right.

"Who is he then?" Sam asked.

"Not sure," Steve told him. To Loki he said, "What's your name? What's your connection to Thanos?"

"My connection? You mock me." Loki turned away from them. "Maw - enough. I am done."

"We can't let you leave," Strange said. Loki ignored him. "Stop!"

Loki was leaving. Thor stood motionless - useless - watching Loki's slow, stiff steps taking him away. He needed to do something. He couldn't let Loki go. Couldn't do nothing while Loki took himself further and further away.

Loki always left him. The thought stung his mind and eyes and heart and Thor tried not to choke on the wave of despair that washed over him. He took a single step in pursuit.

But Strange beat him to action.

A rope of magic whipped out from Strange's hands. It wrapped around Loki's thin arm. Loki stopped and stared at it for a moment. Then he snarled and ripped it free, turning on his heel and sending it crashing back into Strange, forcing him back a few steps. Loki followed it up with a blast of his own magic. It hit Strange square in the chest before he could block it and sent him flying backward. Strange slammed into Sam and the pair of them went tumbling to the dirt in a tangle of limbs.

Steve reacted by throwing his shield. It was a distraction, Thor saw. Steve already had Mjolnir raised and ready to throw before Loki knocked the shield aside with another blast of magic.

"No," Thor cried. But Mjolnir was flying. Thor threw Stormbreaker without a thought and the axe struck true, sending Mjolnir off course and missing Loki. Ignoring the aggrieved look Steve shot him Thor rushed forward.

Loki saw him coming and tracked him with a raised hand. Thor recognized the gesture for what it was, knowing from a lifetime of experience what it signalled. Thor feinted right before dodging left just as the energy blast loosed. It should have missed him. For years Thor shifted his weight in a way that made his next move easy to read in a fight. Or so Loki always claimed while mocking him mercilessly for being predictable. But then Loki was the only one who ever knew Thor so well to notice the tell.

 _That should have worked_ , was the first thought Thor had after the blast caught him and sent him crashing to the ground. Seconds later another body joined him on the ground. Steve. There was cursing from somewhere behind him from Strange and Sam. Loki dismissed them all with a look and turned again to leave.

"No," Thor cried again. "Loki, please!"

Loki ignored him. Thor struggled to his feet, a sob catching in his throat as he called Stormbreaker to hand. He wouldn't hurt him. Couldn't. But stop him? Yes. Mayhap this Loki wasn't truly the one he knew. The one he loved and missed with every breath, every drop of blood, every cell of his being. But that didn't mean Thor could bear to watch this one walk away.

Before Thor could act a wave of red energy engulfed Loki. He froze in place before crumpling to the ground, well caught in the net. Moments later Wanda settled gently on the ground nearby. She took them all in. Loki a motionless heap and encased in magic. Thor and Steve back on their feet. Sam and Strange slowly following.

"Everything okay over here?" she asked.

Thor said nothing as he rushed to Loki's side.

*******

Thanks to Thanos the Avengers compound was a ruin. With death and destruction overwhelming the area, Strange offered up the Sanctum as a temporary place of retreat for them to discuss the appearance of Loki and decide what measures should be taken.

Strange ushered Thor, Steve, Wanda, and Loki through to his home. Sam Wilson opted to stay behind to help with the aftermath of battle and let others know where they'd gone. "I've had my fill of magic, thanks," he said.

Wanda kept Loki wrapped up in her magic as Strange passed a portal over them both. They arrived in a part of the house Thor did not recognize, the end of a hallway full of closed doors and quiet gloom offset by artificial lights lining the walls. The hall opened into a spacious sitting area arranged beneath high-set windows with shelving stretching up to meet an even higher ceiling. The shelves were filled with books and decorative trinkets, as well as artifacts Thor did not have to look too closely upon to know were magical in nature.

There was a sliding door off to one side of the sitting room and it was there Strange led Wanda immediately after arrival. Strange helped her settle Loki in what turned out to be a small bedroom. Thor followed close on their heels and watched while they fashioned a sort of magical prison to hold him in.

"Bit short on dungeons here," Strange said when he caught sight of Thor in the doorway.

Wanda pulled her magic back enough to allow Loki some freedom of movement while still keeping him surrounded. Over her distinctive red spellwork, Strange added his own fiery casting for an extra layer of shielding.

Wanda gave his shield a curious once-over. "You know if he breaks free of me you won't stand a chance, right?"

"I can handle Loki."

"Sure you can. Because he didn't snatch your magic whip out of the air and then use it to bitch slap you."

"You saw that?"

"Yes."

Strange grimaced. "He caught me by surprise. Won't happen again."

"Uh-huh."

Before long another portal appeared in the Sanctum courtesy of one of Strange's compatriots and Bruce Banner arrived. Thor was reluctantly pulled away from the little room by Steve to aid in informing Bruce what had occurred. Though he tried to pay attention to what Steve was saying Thor contributed little to the conversation. His attention kept returning to the little room fifteen feet to his left.

Loki had been laid out on a narrow bed before Strange and Wanda erected their walls of magic. He was awake, Thor was certain, but pretending not to be. Awake and listening. Thor was unsure if anyone else noticed.

"What - what are we saying here? That we fought Thanos, but it wasn't Thanos? Not Thanos from our past, but a different Thanos from a different past. One who just happened to be holding Loki captive? This isn't a possibility, okay? It can't be. This is nuts. This is not a real thing that's happening. There has to be another explanation. How do we even know this is Loki?"

No one else spoke while Bruce paced back and forth, outwardly agitated in a way he never displayed in the past when he was split between two extremes. As a man Bruce held himself in tight control, worried that allowing his stronger emotions to rule would invoke the Hulk. Now with the two merged Bruce was freer in letting himself react. In this case he reacted by pacing the floors of the New York Sanctum and ranting at no one in particular.

"Thor? Hey. Thor!" Bruce was saying. Thor forced himself to focus on what was going on. Steve's arms were folded across his chest. Mjolnir and the shield were both on the floor nearby. Bruce's face was a mix of concern, anger, and heartache. If he were still as he was Thor would be worried the Hulk was about to surface. Tony Stark was Bruce's friend too. So was Natasha. And now this.

This.

Thor looked again at the room. He saw Loki easily from where he stood. He never wanted to look away.

"Thor," Steve sighed. His voice was quiet and heavy. Thor made himself meet Steve's eyes, fearing pity. He found only understanding. "I know this is hard. We need to talk about what we're going to do."

"Do?" Bruce barked a humourless laugh. "What - do? This isn't Loki. Thor, I'm sorry. You know I am. But Loki is dead. Whatever - " Bruce waved a hand in the room's direction " - or whoever that is, it can't be Loki. It just can't."

"Bruce, look," Steve started.

"No, Steve," Bruce interrupted. "We went to the past and returned to the present - our present. Any changes in the past made new timelines, new branches of reality, but did not change the here and now. That's the science. That's how this worked. That's why this can't be Loki. Because the Loki that belonged to this reality, this timeline, is gone. There can't be another one."

"But there is," Steve said.

"But there's not," Bruce shot back. "Don't you get it? It's not a possibility. Two Lokis can't exist in the same timeline. Our Loki - the one that belonged - died. Furthermore, we know where Loki was in 2014. Asgard. Right, Thor?" Bruce barrelled on without waiting for Thor's affirmation. "So he couldn't have been brought here from 2014 with Thanos. This has to be some kind of trick."

"How?"

"I don't know!" Bruce half-shouted.

"I have so many questions about what you guys did while we were dead," Wanda said, watching them with a mix of alarm and fascination.

"As do I," Strange looked grim.

"We saved all of you!" Bruce snapped.

"By...time-travel?" Wanda said.

"Yes!"

"Oh," Wanda looked baffled. Thor didn't blame her.

"About that..." Strange began.

"It is Loki," Thor spoke at last, cutting him off. His first words since arriving to the Sanctum. "I know it is."

"Thor," Bruce said, wearily. "It isn't. This is - I don't know, someone's messing with you. It's a trick. Magic." He looked to Wanda and Strange. "Right? Tell him." The two sorcerers exchanged a glance. Neither spoke.

Thor nodded, tears stinging his eyes. "I understand why you think that. It's not your fault. You know not what you did when you began tampering with things best left untouched."

"Not this again," Bruce sighed and turned away.

"I'm sorry - what's happening?" Wanda looked to each of them in turn before settling on Steve.

Steve gave her a helpless shrug. "Regardless if this is or isn't Loki - he was on Thanos' side. We can at least agree on that. He came here as part of enemy forces. The question in my mind is how is he still here? Tony - what Tony did took out all of Thanos' army. Except this guy. Why? And how?"

Bruce was shaking his head, his hands pressed to his forehead. "I don't know."

"He refused to be Thanos' servant. Even at the end." Thor swallowed hard to clear a suddenly tightness in his throat. "Loki tried to ingratiate himself so that he might get close enough to shove a dagger through him. Loki knew he was unlikely to succeed. But he tried."

Thor looked again at the still form to his left. For a wretched moment he saw only the lifeless body of his brother. Strangled, broken, and gone. His vision swam for a long moment before clearing and he could see this Loki breathing. He knew he had not failed this brother wherever - whenever - he came from.

Not yet.

"Could that have been enough?" Steve wondered aloud. "He wasn't on board with the rest of Thanos' army and their invasion so the Infinity Stones spared him?" No one answered. "Strange?"

Strange was studying Loki. "Perhaps."

"Almost certainly."

A new voice pulled their attention outside their little group. Another of Strange's people was closing a portal. The three women he'd brought through with him strode forth. Valkyrie peeled off to join Thor.

He favoured her with a small smile. "Isn't there a great deal of work to be done?"

She shrugged. "Yeah. And it'll get done. We're not in any rush. Thought you could use some help." She eyed Loki in his makeshift prison. "You all know he's awake, right?" she said, casually.

Thor nodded. Judging how everyone else tensed they had not known.

The other two women Mantis and Nebula approached. Upon spying Thor, Mantis brightened and waved. He gave her a small wave back.

"What do you mean - almost certainly?" Steve asked Nebula, who had spoken.

"The Stones also spared Gamora," Nebula said. "She arrived with Thanos' army, but changed sides. She refused to be a part of his attack on this world. If Loki of Asgard likewise refused to cooperate, then why would the Infinity Stones punish him?"

"He's not Loki," Bruce said.

"He is," Nebula said bluntly.

"What?" Bruce stared.

"When I learned what was happening, I found my sister and spoke with her further. After a few questions I realized she is not the sister I know. She and I do not share the same memories of past events."

"So, you're saying...," Steve prompted.

"This Thanos came from the past. But not our past. He - " Nebula pointed past Thor's shoulder, "is - was - a prisoner of Thanos. Found years ago in the depths of space. I remember him being brought to my father. Thanos gave him over to one of his Chitauri generals to be moulded into a weapon that was later unleashed upon this world in pursuit of the Space Stone.

"Gamora - the one that's here now - remembers differently. Found years ago, yes. But Thanos gave him to Ebony Maw. A protege to be moulded into a new member of the Black Order. I remember Maw - from my time - attempting such a thing many times over with many a protege. He always ended up killing them.

"Maw's latest pupil proved to be recalcitrant. But Thanos took an interest in this one's progress and told Maw he expected success. Gamora says Thanos was growing annoyed with Maw's continued failure. Years of work and still Maw could not bend him to Thanos' will." She smirked. "I would've liked to see Maw fail."

Bruce's legs slowly folded under him and he sank into a sofa, his head in his hands. "Oh my god," he muttered.

Steve's eyebrows climbed high on his forehead. As did Valkyrie's. "So this is Loki. A Loki from an alternate past," he said.

"Yes," Nebula said.

"Interesting." Strange eyed Loki. "How do we put him back?"

"No!" Thor surged toward Loki's prison. "He stays."

"Thor, he can't," Strange said. "He doesn't belong in this time."

"How do you propose we do that?" Steve asked Strange.

"While I have a great many questions as to exactly how such a thing was achieved in the first place, I understand you intended to put all the Infinity Stones back in their own time periods? So whichever Stone was retrieved from where this latest Thanos came from - "

"Power," Nebula said.

" - thank you - that's where Loki should go too," Strange finished.

"No!"

Steve lifted a placating hand and waved it between Thor and Strange. "Okay, but again - if we didn't intend to encroach upon a different timeline in pursuit of that Infinity Stone - or any of them - how can we know we're going back to the right place? For all we know we might end up where we meant to go in the first place. Where there will already be a Power Stone and a Loki."

"I can, uh," Bruce spoke, sounding shaken and unsure, "I can account for that. Nebula and Rhodey went there. I can use Pim particles to trace back their exact path though the quantum realm. I'll just need some time."

Strange nodded. "The sooner the better, Dr. Banner."

Stormbreaker slammed into the marble flooring, sending everyone except Valkyrie and Thor tumbling to the ground. Threads of lightning snaked around the great-axe and along Thor's arms.

"I said no," lightning flashed in Thor's eyes. "Loki stays with me."

"Thor - " Valkyrie tried and was ignored. Thor swept past her as well as Strange and Wanda, both on the floor where they'd fallen. They'd each lost their grip on the magic being cast and the hold on Loki was gone.

As Thor suspected all along Loki was awake. Awake and swiftly sitting upright. Likely to try to take advantage of his unexpected freedom and attempt escape. Thor almost smiled at the familiarity. Thor grabbed hold of Loki's arm before Loki could react and hauled him to his feet. Loki made a half-hearted attempt to pull free of Thor's iron grip, watching him with wary eyes.

Strange and Wanda both scrambled back to their feet and brought their respective magics to hand.

"Thor, stop!" Strange said.

Thor ignored him. He had eyes only for Loki. Who was looking at him with something too close to fear for Thor's liking. He pulled back the lightning still coursing through him and blinked it out of his eyes. He tried for a smile, the kind Loki would remember. As well as Thor could remember such a smile. Loki's wariness was replaced with an awful blankness that sank Thor's heart and took whatever smile he managed with it.

"Hey, hey, hey! You back off."

"Valkyrie - "

"Nope. Back off."

Thor tore his attention away from Loki as Valkyrie and Bruce's voices floated closer. Valkyrie was edging her way swiftly into the small room. She shot hostile looks at both Strange and Wanda and they eased back enough to let her pass. Bruce was close behind, but stayed on the other side of the magic users. Thor saw Steve with his shield in hand at Bruce's shoulder. Mjolnir left forgotten somewhere behind them.

Valkyrie squared her shoulders and planted herself between Thor and Loki and everyone else. Bruce gave her a despairing look. "Thor's our friend. What do you think we're going to do?"

She made a considering noise in her throat. "Guessing it's not going to be something he likes."

Wanda cleared her throat. "Maybe it would be better if everyone took a step back. Rest. Eat. Then talk. Decide what to do later."

"Good idea." Valkyrie set her hands on her hips. She gave the balls of red magic in Wanda's hands a pointed look. "You first." Wanda pressed her lips together looking halfway amused.

"This is going well," Nebula said somewhere behind Steve.

"I don't think it is," Mantis sounded anxious.

"Thor," Steve stepped around Bruce to stand squarely between Strange and Wanda. "What do you want to have happen here?"

"I told you."

"Yeah. You did. Look - it's been a rough few days. Hell, it's been a rough few years. For all of us. Losing Natasha, now Tony," Steve sighed. "Maybe it's time to give the decision-making a rest. So let's do that. For now. Talk about the future another time. Okay?"

Thor's eyes had drifted back to Loki before Steve had finished speaking. Loki was watching them all with a look of an animal trapped in a snare. Waiting for his chance to gnaw off his own leg and flee. Thor nodded in answer to Steve's question.

"Where do you want to go from here?" Valkyrie asked him.

"Home," Thor said.

Steve blew out a breath. "You gonna be able to handle him?" He meant Loki.

"Sure," Valkyrie said easily. "Thor's not that difficult to handle."

"Thor?" Bruce said. "Are you sure about this?"

Thor nodded again. "Yes. I'm taking Loki home." Loki's eyes settled on him for a long moment before sliding away. Thor didn't take his eyes off of him, worried if he did Loki would begin chewing.


	2. Chapter 2

Returning to New Asgard with Loki was easy. It was only after they arrived Thor realized he hadn't planned for what came after. Foremost or how to keep Loki here. New Asgard lacked the prisons of Asgard of old, not that Thor was keen to put Loki within one. But Loki - his Loki - was likewise never keen to remain where he didn't want to be. Thor was no fool. He knew full well Loki had been Midgard-bound with him aboard the Statesman only for lack of better choices. Just as he knew if at any time Loki changed his mind he'd be gone.

Asgard's survivors had crammed together in a ship ill-suited for a hundred passengers much less several times the number, their resources as limited as their options. Asgard possessed allies, but few friends among the realms. Thor had been unsure who to trust with the safety of his people and his last surviving kin. Midgard seemed best suited under the circumstances - Loki's prior invasion of it notwithstanding - even if it ended up being a temporary respite. Even a temporary solution was better than what they faced aboard that ship. Loki had agreed. Barely.

Thor eyed this Loki. In the northern light of this adopted land Loki looked far worse than on the ravaged battlefield or in the dim lighting of Strange's house. He stumbled upon their arrival, his colourless face taking on a tinge of grey. Loki bent over at the waist, leaning as far away from Thor's still present grip upon his arm as he was able. Thor worried Loki would be ill and released his arm. He tried to pat him comfortingly on the back only for Loki to shy away from the touch. He coughed and gagged while Thor hovered nearby feeling useless.

It was not like Loki to be ill travelling by Bifrost. But the Bifrost generated by Stormbreaker was not the same as the one used in Asgard for countless generations. Thor and his Loki had spoken over the years about the _feel_ of the Bifrost, the energy one could sense in its being. The two of them felt the Bifrost in different ways, Loki with his magic, Thor with a ingrained sense in the core of his being, the same sense, he suspected, from where his power sprang. This Loki had gone wide-eyed with alarm when Thor had thrust Stormbreaker into the sky and brought down a Bifrost. One thing Thor had learned about his weapon over the years was better control for travel over short distances. Asgard's Bifrost could not deposit transport someone to different places on the same planet. Stormbreaker's Bifrost was of an altogether different nature and Thor could use it to travel anywhere he wished on Midgard.

He oft wondered what his Loki would have made of that. Of the conversations they might've had about the feel of Stormbreaker's Bifrost.

"It's not far," he offered as Loki huddled in on himself. "The house, I mean. A short walk when you're feeling able."

Loki said nothing in reply. Thor tried to give him peace without stepping beyond reach. If his Loki wanted to be away from him, he would be long gone by now. It took Thor years - a lifetime - before he learned to observe well enough to notice Loki slipping away while leaving a double in his place. Even then Thor was unsure if he had the right of it much of the time.

There were many a meeting aboard the Statesman where Thor suspected Loki had grown bored enough to do just that while he wandered off. Thor was not always certain if he had been talking to his brother or a substitute. In the past, all Thor had to do to determine if Loki was real or not was touch him. But somewhere during Thor's long absence from Asgard Loki finally learned to make his doubles solid enough not to dissipate when touched. Likely only learning the new trick so he could frustrate Thor with it for the rest of their lives.

_The rest of their lives._ Thor closed his eyes, despair crawling up from his stomach and sweeping through his limbs making everything heavy and tired.

"What is this place?"

Thor opened his eyes. Loki stood before him. Still slightly hunched as if in pain. Still grey in the face - though maybe a touch less so than before. Hair still horribly shorn, making Thor's own involuntary hair cutting years ago on Sakaar seem pleasant by comparison. The scars upon Loki's skin looked all the worse in the weak daylight. Thor reached out hesitantly and touched his arm. Solid. Still Loki. Thor's eyes swept over him carefully. It was him. He was sure. Mostly.

Loki watched him, blank-faced and no less wary than when they reunited a short time ago. Thor looked toward the sun, hanging low in the sky. It was morning here. Early enough most would not yet have emerged from their homes. But likely not for long. With the return of their dead and the lightning quick assemblage of all available forces to march off and face down Thanos Thor doubted those left behind slept much - if at all.

When those gone off to fight returned there would be much to do. New homes to be built for the restored. Mourning for those lost in battle, renewed for those returned from death only to be lost to it again. It was almost overwhelming to think about. Thor wanted a drink or twenty so he wouldn't have to. Valkyrie would return as soon as she was able. He took comfort in knowing she would not hesitate to begin putting their people to rights. Took comfort in knowing she would take the weight from his shoulders. That, too, made him want to drink all the more.

Thor wasn't sure how long he'd been away from New Asgard. How long had it had been since he reunited with the remaining Avengers and they embarked upon a recklessly desperate plan to restore the universe to rights. Days, perhaps. Much of it was a blur. He remembered it was mid-day when the attack came upon the Avengers compound half a world away from Thanos-of-the-past.

Thor blinked. That wasn't quite right. It wasn't really the Thanos he fought and killed years ago. It was a different one. Of a different time. One where Loki was still made to suffer at Thanos' will.

Anger boiled suddenly beneath his skin.

Loki took a small, skittering step backward. Away from him. Thor wondered at the sight he was presenting to make his little brother want to flee. He swallowed back his rage.

"This is Asgard," he spoke calmly. "A new Asgard."

Loki shot him an inscrutable look. Achingly in its familiarity. Almost a perfect copy of Odin. A look often seen while Odin listened to whatever wild tale spun in an attempt to stave off punishment for whatever disaster Thor and Loki were responsible for in the days of their youth. Thor was torn between laughter and weeping.

"What happened to the old one?" Loki asked.

"That is a long tale," Thor said, voice rough with emotion. "Perhaps best told after a meal and some rest. As was suggested."

"Who were they? The mortals? The beast?"

Thor cleared his throat. "Friends."

Loki make a sound Thor couldn't decipher. "Interesting company you keep."

"Yes."

"Why are you doing this? What's the point?"

"I don't understand."

Loki uttered another soft sound. Brittle. "Of course not."

"Loki..." Thor trailed off, letting further words die in his throat.

There was so much he wanted to say - too much, in fact. Nothing seemed right and everything did. The idea of spilling out all the words he spent years desperately wishing he'd had a chance to say left Thor numb. All the endless days and nights Thor thought about what he wished was said when he had the chance. Words he wanted to take back. Words he wanted to offer instead. Words he tried to speak aloud when he was alone and the world was quiet and at rest around him in the hope they would carry to Loki in Valhalla. And hope his brother would accept them in the spirit they were meant and not mock Thor too terribly for any awkwardness in their bearing. Words drowned in sorrow and alcohol when they began to haunt his restless dreams.

There was so much Thor wanted to say to his brother he might need a thousand years to say it all. But Loki was gone. And Loki was here. Thor wondered if he was deserving of a second chance. Or if this new brother's face would come to haunt him as did the old one.

Thor tilted his head in the direction of his modest home. "Come on," he said. "This way."

*******

"Are you hungry?" Thor was already searching the small kitchen for something to offer. He had food. A lot of food. Everywhere. In and on every cupboard. The refrigerator was stuffed full, as was the freezer. The small table was littered with the remnants of Thor's last meal. He quickly discarded the waste and added the dirty dishes to the stacks already present in the sink. There was an unpleasant odour coming from the neglected dishes. Not to mention the garbage bin.

Thor sorted through the mess mindlessly, shoving open a window, and soaping a rag and running it under water. He gave the table a quick wipe down. He looked over the full sink and decided it could wait. He returned to his quest for a meal. There was no shortage of food for Thor to eat. But what of Loki?

Who stood silent and unmoving in the doorway of the kitchen.

Thor flashed him a quick smile and gestured at the table. Loki stared at him a long moment before taking the hint to pull out a chair and sit. Thor turned back to his dilemma.

Loki was pickier about food than Thor. It was a long traded barb between them. The two of them sniping at each other over dinner tables and campfires since they were children. According to Loki, Thor ate with the manners of a beast and consumed everything in his path. According to Thor, Loki ate like a fussy toddler, everything prepared exactly so or else he wouldn't eat it. On and on and on it went through the years. Even on the Statesman Loki would rather pass his share of rations off to someone else than eat something that didn't meet his approval.

Thor was no cook. He could prepare some things, but cooking was a skill that eluded him. He began pulling ingredients from their various corners, regardless. This he could do. He could feed his little brother.

Who was now silent and unmoving while sitting.

Thor could hardly breathe from the wrongness of it. Loki wasn't silent. He wasn't battered and docile. Loki was argumentative and opinionated and sarcastic. He loved the sound of his own voice in a way that infuriated people across all Nine Realms and beyond. Loki goaded people for sport. He nursed a grudge better and longer than anyone Thor had ever met. Thor knew better than anyone how Loki could love you one day and despise you the next. Loki was petty and scheming and contrary. Chaotic and mischievous and hilarious. Infuriating and charming and a thousand other things. But never docile. Even in the face of Thanos and certain death Loki radiated defiance from every pore.

Thor talked while he cooked. He talked to fill the silence. He talked because Loki sat in the same room with him not saying a word and Thor couldn't stand it. He had no idea what he was saying. Nonsense, most like. He talked about New Asgard. He talked about life on Midgard. He avoided speaking of Asgard's destruction. He tried to remember if there were any people in the settlement Loki might know. There had been some aboard the Statesman, but after Thanos was finished with them it was difficult to say. So Thor talked about the few he knew and chattered about what little gossip that reached his ears.

He finished relaying a witty tale Valkyrie told him about the quarrelling escapades of two of her neighbours while sliding an assortment of plates and bowls on the table. He set out cutlery and condiments before filling two glasses with cold water, setting one in front of Loki and taking the other for himself. Thor settled in his own chair and offered up another smile, hoping it didn't come across as tight and forced as it felt.

"Eat," Thor said. "Regain some of your strength. You can rest afterwards if you wish. Or we can speak some more."

Loki blinked at him across the small table laden with food. Scrambled eggs. Fried mushrooms. Crisp Bacon. Two kinds of cheese. Toast with every jar of jam Thor could find crowding the plate. It was simple fare, but filling. All things Thor was sure Loki would eat. Thor didn't have much by the way of fruit, but there were apples baked with warm spices into flaky pastries. Someone in the village made them and always sent some up to Thor. They froze well and Thor heated them before arranging the pastries on a plate he set down closest to Loki. Loki who was fussy in all food related matters except dessert.

Loki reached for the water and brought it cautiously to his mouth, sipping slowly. He kept eyes on Thor. Thor filled a plate for himself despite his stomach being in knots. He assembled a sandwich of sorts out of the eggs, bacon, and cheese and took a bite. He watched Loki watch him while he chewed. Loki sipped more water.

"Are you not hungry?" Thor asked. "You should at least have some toast. They have many different kinds of jams here. I think you'd like the blueberry. It doesn't taste like the blueberries we knew on Asgard, but it is good."

Loki lowered the glass and his eyes to the table. "Is this another test?"

"A test? No." Thor set his sandwich down and pushed the plate away. He folded his arms on the table and leaned forward over them. "I'm not sure what you think is happening." Thor feared he did know. "But there is no test. I'm not sure how to explain what's happening in a way that makes sense, but I will try."

Thor did try. He worried he was rambling in places - he probably was - but did his best. He explained about the gathering of the Infinity Stones and the horror Thanos unleashed upon them. He explained about the Thanos in the past - a different past than the one Thor lived - coming to this time and place to attack those trying to undo the madness of the Thanos Thor killed years ago. He backtracked to the destruction of Asgard, giving a summary that skipped over much. He told Loki simply that Asgard had been destroyed and many of their people lost.

He neglected to mention Hela or Surtur. Thor didn't know how to bring into the one-sided conversation a previously unknown sister, or that it was Loki himself who unleashed Surtur to destroy Asgard in an effort to put an end to said sister. It seemed the sort of thing to save for another day. Or year.

It was strange talking like this. His Loki would've interrupted a dozen times over by now. Loki would be badgering him with questions and inflicting sarcastic commentary and insults. Surely the last time Thor spoke at such length in Loki's company without interruption was when Loki was very small and non-verbal. Even then Loki made his opinions known courtesy of a thrown toy or an earsplitting shriek. Or worse - tears.

"You see, that's why we're here. On Midgard. We needed a place to go. Somewhere safe until we decided what to do next. You didn't want to come here, but agreed all the same. Then Thanos came. He attacked us. And he..." Thor dropped his gaze. He couldn't make himself say the words. Not while looking at his dead brother sitting across from him.

"Did Thanos kill me on your ship?" Loki asked, voice void of emotion.

Thor nodded, guilt twisting his guts. "He did. Not you, you, obviously. Because you're here. But my brother, my Loki. Thanos killed him."

"I see."

Thor waited for something more. Some kind of reaction. Any kind. Shock. Fury. Horror. Anything. When none was forthcoming, Thor worried he'd overwhelmed Loki with too much information. Or maybe he hadn't given him enough. "Do - do you want to ask any questions? You may, of course. Ask whatever you like. I will answer best I can."

"I will keep that in mind," Loki said mildly. He lifted the glass and took another sip of water.

"Do you - are you..." Thor took a bracing breath. He needed to focus. He willed his mind to order itself. His mind ignored him with thoughts remaining dull and disordered. He would not cry. He refused. Thanos broke him once. He would not allow it a second time. "I can summon a healer."

The glass slipped from Loki's hand, falling to the table and rolling off the edge to the floor. The crack of the glass breaking startled them both. Loki went rigid in his seat.

"Or not," Thor said quickly. "But if you wish it. At some point. We have healers. I know you've never liked seeing one. Eir was forever wroth with you for trying to heal yourself instead of going to her with whatever ailed you. I do not know if you are in pain. Those look - " Thor gestured helplessly at the visible scars on Loki's head. "A healer might be able to help."

Loki didn't move a muscle. Not even a twitch.

"Or perhaps we might rest for a time," Thor tried. "It's been a long, wretched day."

Loki blinked. Thor waited. Loki blinked again.

No, Thor would not allow Thanos to break him a second time. But Loki? That was a different story. No one else had ever broken Thor so well. Or often.

*******

"Hey." Valkyrie was guarded and cautious, like she wasn't sure what awaited within Thor's house. It was unnerving coming from her. He never knew her to go at any challenge with less than a full-head of steam. Usually with a weapon in hand.

"That was quick." Thor looked past her for any sign the settlement teemed with restored life. As though he hadn't deliberately chosen to build his house as far away from the others as possible. There might be a grand celebration ongoing and Thor might not hear a thing.

"Clean up's still ongoing," she said. "There's a lot of people back there getting in each other's way I figured they didn't need us. Brought everyone back. The sorcerers with the rings are handy for that." She shifted her weight. "Brought back our fallen, too. We didn't lose many, but the humans were talking about digging graves. Figured it be best to get back here before they damned our dead. Though I guess being buried underground isn't as bad as what happened to them before with the - you know." She snapped her fingers.

Thor winced. Asgard did not fear death. They regarded death as but a step to take them from their existence in these living realms to the realms of the dead. They burned their dead under an open sky and over water as a means to bid them to take that step into the next realm. Even in times of war Asgard's Allfathers bid whatever remains of the dead be gathered and carried home so they might be sent forth properly. It was a tradition their people kept to throughout their existence.

Thor was the only Asgardian king who had failed in his duty. He failed those killed by Hela. He failed those killed by Thanos. Twice. He eyed Valkyrie and wondered if she thought he'd fail again.

"We should start building the boats," he said.

She nodded, body relaxing minutely. "I'll round up some people and get it started."

"Good. You'll let me know when they're ready?"

"Sure. Probably be done by nightfall."

"All right."

Valkyrie shifted again. Ah, Thor thought. She was not just here about funeral rituals.

"How's it going? With him?"

"He is resting."

Getting Loki to rest took some doing. Loki was no more trusting of Thor's attempt to get him to lie down and than he had of eating or seeing a healer. He refused to enter Thor's bedroom with the head of the bed set in the centre of one wall and beneath a large window, with the doorway best visible if one slept with their head at the foot of the bed. Only when Thor all but pleaded with him to find some rest did Loki choose a space. The sitting room sofa firmly pushed against one wall and facing a window, with both hallway and entryway clearly in view, was where Loki now lie. Burrowed under a blanket and no doubt feigning sleep once more.

"He say anything?"

"Little."

"Does he understand where he is? When? Does he get what happened?" She gave her head a frustrated shake. "Though I'm not sure I do."

"I do not know what Loki understands. I'm not sure he believes what I say." Thor smiled humorlessly. "Once again my brother does not trust me. One would think I'd be used to it."

"Thor, he's not..."

"He is." Thor cut her off harshly. "He may not be of this time nor this place, but he is Loki and Loki is my brother."

"What about his Thor?" Valkyrie asked no less harshly. "What about the Thor who lost his brother? Doesn't he matter?"

"I can do naught to ease his pain. Only my own." Not that his own pain had abated any since finding Loki upon that battleground. In fact, it had only grown stronger. But Valkyrie didn't need to know that. With a look she gave him that bordered on pity, Thor suspected she knew.

"With his brother."

"Perhaps."

"You know you have to find a way to get him back to his own timeline, right?"

"I know no such thing." Thor knew he was being selfish. He didn't care. Valkyrie looked as if she wanted to say more, her face warring with itself. Thor spared her the fight. "Later then." He closed the door before she could protest. Valkyrie stood outside the door for a long moment before he heard her walk away.

Thor pushed away from the door and turned to the interior of the house. A handful of steps brought him into the living room where Loki slept. Pretended to sleep. Thor watched him take deep, even breaths. Eyes closed, lips parted, hands tucked beneath his cheek. It was a very good performance. But his body was too stiff. Muscles tense through his neck and shoulders. Thor had a lifetime of watching Loki sleep, from infancy to manhood.

His Loki was much better at pretending. Thor pretended that knowledge did not hurt.

"I will be in the kitchen if you need me," he spoke softly, not wanting to startle Loki or make him feel threatened. Thor crept through the room on quiet feet. He thought he caught a glimpse of eyes watching as he passed, but he did not pause to check.

*******

Thor busied himself cleaning.

Most days he'd waste away the hours playing games or watching television, stopping only long enough to eat or drink or fetch more drink. Thor was not blind to the man he'd become. He simply learned to not care. Not to think. Now he could not stop his mind from working. Running panicked and blind down one path after another. He needed focus. So he cleaned. Starting with the broken glass, carefully gathering all the broken bits and dropping them in the bin. Thor put away all the food. Washed dishes and counter tops. Wiped away grime on the stove. Cleaned out the refrigerator. Swept and mopped the floor. Gathered refuse and put it outside for disposal. Scrubbed the bin and lined it with a fresh bag. Polished the sink and appliances.

As long as Thor concentrated on the task at hand he kept his mind from chasing itself around and around as a dog does its tail. Kept his thoughts within the confines of this room and not in the next. Not the figure laid out on the couch.

When the kitchen stood tidy and gleaming Thor's retreat was at an end. He wanted a drink almost as much as he wanted to go into the next room and look at Loki. He pulled a cold ale from the refrigerator and downed half before setting the can down on the clean counter top. Just a look. He would go quietly, not making a sound. Perhaps Loki finally found true sleep. If so, Thor would not disturb him. Just look. Watch his brother breathe. For this he would be content for a time, he promised himself. He would return to the kitchen and finish his ale. Perhaps open another.

Thor glanced down at himself. He was dirty and worn from battle. There were funerals later. He told Valkyrie he'd be present. A shower was in order. He would groom and dress in clean clothes. Or armour? Thor frowned. What had Father done for funerals? Had Odin always donned armour? He thought so, but the memories of home and family were often shrouded in a fog and he shied away from trying to remember. The pain was exhausting.

He stepped into the sitting room. The couch was empty. Thor's heart climbed into his throat as the rest of him went cold. But he wasn't surprised.

"Loki?" he called out all the same. There was no answer. Thor had not expected one.

It didn't take long to look through the house. Every room searched. Every conceivable hiding spot checked. Outside the house the search began anew. When his Loki wanted to be left alone he would lose himself amidst a book stack in a little used corner of the palace library. Or sunk deep in a chair within their mother's parlour, feet propped on an ottoman. Or up a tree in the gardens. Or riding beyond the city faster than any could catch him. Once, after hours of searching, Thor found Loki sitting in Thor's favourite tavern drinking an ale.

Thor had been dumbfounded. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

Loki had smiled smugly. "I know."

But there was no library in New Asgard. Their mother's parlour was gone. So was Loki's horse. They had horses, kept some distance from the settlement. Loki might come across them if he wandered out far enough. There were also trees and a small tavern. Thor searched everywhere he could. He went out to the pasture and found the horses undisturbed. The men tending them told him they were all accounted for, and no, they hadn't seen anyone. Thor look up trees as he passed. Poked his head inside the tavern. There turned out to be no great celebration ongoing in the settlement. But there were more people. None of them were Loki. But with magic Loki didn't need a hiding place or a fast horse if he truly wished to disappear. That was a lesson Thor learned long ago.

Thor trudged back to his house and despaired. Could fate be so cruel as to restore Loki to him only to snatch him away again so soon? Was this his punishment for failing to save his brother that first time on the Bifrost long ago? To be tormented with loss over and over again? "Allfathers," he whispered. "Please."

A raven cawed overhead.

The bird swooped down low, narrowly missing Thor's head. He ducked regardless and watched as it winged its way past the house toward a narrow, winding path. The bird soon disappeared from view, but it was no matter. Thor knew well where the path led. He picked his way along a rough worn path made over the years by his own feet. Thor reached the lonely clearing atop the cliff overlooking the sea where he last saw Odin. He found another there.

Loki stood looking out over the cold, harsh waters. Thor joined him. Loki didn't spare him a glance. The wind bit at them, but neither paid it any mind. Thor knew why he so often visited this place. He wondered at its draw for Loki. Could he - or his magic - feel the pull from the remnants of Odin's power? Or was this simply a space away from people? Away from Thor? Loki spoke before Thor could ask.

"I feel the echo of the Bifrost in this place," Loki said. He may as well have been commenting on the weather. "Faded, but it's here. I called to Heimdall to open it and bring me home. He ignores me." He half-turned to Thor with a tight smile. "Clever, Maw. You've never tried this before."

"Loki, Maw is not here. I am. Please believe me."

Loki turned back to the sea and continued on as if Thor hadn't spoken. "I've oft wondered if Asgard's watchman can see me. If he chooses to leave me to my fate, believing me deserving of it. Or if it's Odin's hand that guides him. If I'm meant to be learning a lesson before I'm allowed to go home. Though it's not a very fair lesson, is it."

Thor had thought his heart could not break more. He realized he was mistaken. "Neither Heimdall, nor father could see you. We all believed you dead. Except mother. She refused to believe it. She searched for you. She never gave up."

Frigga's faith paid off the moment Loki was reflected in the light of a portal generate by the Tesseract. Thor wondered if this Loki's mother searched still for her lost son. Hoping for the moment when she might see a spark of her son somewhere in the vastness of the cosmos. Thor decided, yes. She must. For she, too, was Frigga and the Allmother would have to be dead before she gave up on her children. If Thor took consolation in anything it was knowing in death Loki was returned to his mother's arms. Cold comfort though it was, as neither should've been dead in the first place.

Loki still made no notice of having heard Thor speak. He tipped his head back and stared up at the sky, beseeching. "Gatekeeper, please. Open the Bifrost. Bring me back to Asgard."

Thor set a shaking, gentle hand on Loki's shoulder. "Heimdall is no longer there," he said with a voice thick with guilt. "Asgard is here."

"No," Loki said, his voice carrying away on the wind over churning waters. "It's not."


	3. Chapter 3

Asgard bid farewell to her dead with fire and song beneath a stormy sky.

Thrice now Asgard came away from Thanos bloodied. This was the only time they were able to bid farewell and absorb what was lost. Asgard was less for the newly dead, yet more for those hard won back.

Some dim part of Thor's mind mapped the space of the settlement and puzzled where might be the best place to begin building homes for the people returned to them. But those thoughts lie behind the fog of alcohol and confusion which had plagued him for years. It was what kept him silent when some looked to him to speak when the boats carrying the dead were pushed out. The same fog made him realize too late the sky overhead could've been clear and filled with stars rather than winds and rain swollen clouds. The archers made no complaints and the boats lit up without issue.

The fog muted much of what was Thor and he had stopped resenting it years ago. It was the best way to keep himself from remembering all that was lost. Who was lost.

Loki. Lost. Like much of Asgard.

Loki. Returned. Like some of Asgard.

Broken. Bloodied. But breathing against all odds.

Loki was currently breathing deeply in Thor's bed. Unnervingly quiet when Thor had escorted him back to the house. Unnervingly still while Thor rearranged his bedroom to make it palpable. Bed shoved in a corner, window and doorway within view from the bed. Fresh sheets and extra blankets. Loki made no mention of being cold, but then he made no mention of anything and he was frightfully thin. Thor offered to board up the window, but Loki gave no response so Thor simply pulled the curtains tightly shut.

Thor had waited in the sitting room with the TV playing on low sound until Loki was asleep - for real this time - before drinking steadily until Valkyrie came knocking at the door to collect him. She said nothing of his drunken, unwashed state, but her tightly pressed lips and pinched expression spoke for her. Thor had been tempted to snap that she was not one to judge him. But sometimes the drink make it difficult to order his words how he wanted, and often made him regret saying them later. Thor kept his peace. Thankfully, so did Valkyrie.

As the boats finished burning people began to drift away from the shore's edge. Clusters of reunited friends and family clung tightly to each other as they wandered off in every direction of the settlement. Tonight people would gather in homes to raise drinks to the fallen, share stories, laugh and cry together. In Asgard of old a proper feast would be held in one of the palace halls with all welcome to say farewell to the fallen with smaller feasts likewise hosted throughout the realm.

The last such feast Thor remembered was for his mother and all those killed in the attack by the Dark Elves. It had been a strange affair. Unlike any other funeral feast Thor attended in his life. Asgard, in shock and grief over such a brazen attack upon her own shores, was too subdued to properly celebrate the lives of those lost. Thor's father too broken to even attend. And Thor himself sat at the high table presiding over the feast alone.

He'd freed Loki from his cell the following day.

Voices rising and falling all around him and with the ashes of the dead at his back Thor walked home alone.

He looked in on Loki at once. Sleeping. Light crept into the room from the sitting room. Loki was burrowed beneath the bedding, including the extra blankets, breathing deep and steady. An achingly familiar snuffling snore made Thor smile.

 _This should have been ours_ , he thought. _We should have rebuilt Asgard together._

Asgard, such as it was, rebuilt herself with no help from Thor. When he thought of what Loki would say to that - to what Thor had become without him - Thor retreated to the sitting room and drank until he passed out.

*******

Thor awoke to the taste of dead vole in his mouth. And Loki standing over him.

He sat up too fast and fought desperately to keep from vomiting. Gripping the couch cushions tight enough to tear, Thor squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the room to stop spinning and his heart to cease thundering in his ears. Whispery footsteps padded away from him. There was clinking coming from...somewhere. Thor released the strangling grip on the cushions and transferred his hands to clutch at his own head. There were more footsteps followed by a sense of something near his face.

Thor opened one eye. Loki was holding out a glass of water. Thor reached for the glass gratefully with shaking hands and downed it in one long, steady gulp.

He handed the glass back. "Thank you," Thor managed to say before lurching off the couch and rushing to the bathroom. He barely made it to the toilet before vomiting. The water came up, along with a great deal of bile and possibly Thor's spleen. He heaved a while longer to be sure the rest of his organs did not also want to depart his body.

When he was done Thor flushed the toilet and slowly, carefully washed his hands. He then filled up the sink with cool water and dunked his head. It felt glorious so he did it again and again until his beard and much of his hair were sopping. Snatching a towel off the rack, he laid his face into it as if it were a pillow and let himself rest. When he felt more himself - what passed for himself these days - Thor went in search of Loki.

He did not have far to look. Loki was perched on the edge of the same couch cushion Thor had been throttling. In the light of a new day Loki looked little better than the day prior. Skin still carrying a tinge of grey. Eyes blackened with exhaustion. Loki was skeletal and wan and so unlike himself Thor's instincts howled with alarm. He wanted to rush Loki to the infirmary, call for Eir, yell at any passing servants to fetch help at once. Call out for their mother.

But he could do none of that here. Even if Loki consented to see a healer it would not be Eir. Likely it would be no one he knows, as Thor did not know either of the women with healing skills before meeting them after settling New Asgard. Neither woman had worked in the palace, instead coming from the area where Heimdall had been sheltering fleeing civilians from Hela's wrath. There might now be healers among the returned, but Thor doubted any would be familiar. The palace infirmary and its healers were the only ones Thor ever knew in Asgard. And Hela was very thorough in her massacre.

"You look terrible," Loki said.

For a long moment Thor could nothing but stare blankly. "As do you," he said when words returned to him.

Loki eyed Thor like a puzzle to be solved. "You are the oddest shade of my brother yet. I cannot fathom the purpose of this."

"I am not a shade. I am real, I promise you."

"That is what all the shades say to me."

Words fled him once more. Loki seemed equally lacking in words, though perhaps in his case he was simply reluctant to voice them. Regardless, Loki being reluctant to speak for any reason was something Thor found more alarming than his belief Thor was a shade.

"Are you hungry?" Thor said finally, walking unsteadily from the room before Loki answered. Loki had not eaten that Thor saw the prior day. He looked no more enthusiastic about it now when he wandered into the kitchen behind Thor. Thor felt little enthusiasm for food himself, but went through the motions of preparing it all the same.

When the food was prepared and laid out Thor again set a glass of water at both settings. Again he sat across from Loki, almost in disbelief that he could do such a thing once more. And again sat there and Loki watched Thor eat.

With a sigh Thor set down his fork. "Will you not eat? You must be hungry."

"You want me to eat," Loki said with caution.

"I do."

Loki looked over the table. "What would you like me to eat?"

Thor blinked. "Eat what you like. I don't care what."

Loki studied him with unnerving intensity. "Eat what I like," he repeated slowly, as if he could not parse the meaning.

"Yes. Eat whatever you want," Thor knew he sounded snappish and regretted it at once.

Loki's eyes flicked between Thor and the food, brimming with suspicion. _He suspects a trap_ , Thor realized. Rage filled him. Loki noticed and went very still. Thor took the time to bring himself under control before snatching up Loki's empty plate and filling it with hot, buttered toast and scrambled eggs. He smeared jam over the toast before setting the plate a bit too forcefully down in front of Loki. "Eat it," Thor said, leaving no room in his voice for argument.

This was the point in which his Loki would rise to the challenge. The plate would be hurled at his head, food and all. The food on Thor's plate turned into snakes. Loki storming from the room in a huff. Every morsel Thor tried to consume tasting like ashes until Thor asked forgiveness (rarely), Loki's pique passed (Thor always believed it had, though he learned later that it was not so), or one of their parents intervened (their mother).

Loki stared at him a long moment. Then he did as he was told and ate.

Pushing away his food mostly uneaten, Thor excused himself to shower. He waited for the water to run hot and the room turn steamy before he let the tears fall. For years he wanted nothing more than to have Loki returned to him, desperately hoping Loki had found a way to cheat death once again and would return as soon as he was able. But Loki had gone up against death for the third time and lost, death finally taking its due. The Norns in their mockery had seen fit to give Thor a broken man in the place of his brother. And Thor was grateful for it. If at a loss as to how to help him.

When Thor was finished showering Loki was nowhere to be found. He checked Loki's plate to find every bite was gone, but the water was untouched. He set about clearing away the refuse of their morning meal before going in search. This time Thor started with the cliff. He found Loki there standing alone facing the sea, his face tipped toward the overcast sky.

Thor quietly crept away, returning to the house, but not before nudging away the clouds to let the sun shine down. Thor told himself he hadn't interrupted to allow Loki privacy, not because he didn't want to hear Loki pleading for help that would never come.

*******

The next day was much as the last. As was the day after that. Little changed. Thor prepared them food regularly. Loki ate when Thor commanded it of him. Loki retreated often to the bedroom to hide. Thor slept often. He drank more. They talked little. Loki stole off to the cliff side, but always returned. Thor wondered why Loki did not run if he truly believed Thor false, but he feared the answer enough not to ask.

It was well into the third day before it occurred to Thor Loki needed clothes. And a bath. His fastidious brother bathed like he was born to water. But Thor never heard water running in the bath or shower when this Loki was in the bathroom.

"You can bathe," Thor told him. Loki blinked at him like the words were foreign. "Or a shower. Here, I will show you."

Loki did not take well to being herded into the small bathroom, standing stiff and blank-faced pressed up against the sink while Thor sat on the edge of the tub. Thor clumsily demonstrated how to work the shower, pointed at the lever that would depress and raise the plug for the bath. He held up soap and shower gel (but not the shampoo) as if Loki were a small child about to bathe himself for the first time.

Realizing what he was doing Thor retreated out into the hall in embarrassment coming back only to deposit clean towels atop the sink, sending Loki scurrying to a different corner in the process. "Take as long as you like," Thor said. "You'll feel better in fresh clothes as well." Loki stared. Thor stared back, taking in what Loki was wearing. It was the same battle outfit he'd been wearing when Thor first saw him standing among the ruins of the grounds at the Avengers compound. Even the boots were the same. All of it heavy leather and metal, with various accents of green fabric. Thor knew the outfit well. Loki had died in it, after all. Upon Svartalfheim. Except he hadn't. But Thor never saw his Loki wearing it again.

"Do you have anything else? Another outfit?" Thor felt somewhat stupid for asking. But his Loki never travelled anywhere with luggage yet always had additional clothing available. Thor was never sure how he did it. If it was magic or...well, magic. "In your dimensional - " he made an awkward gesture with his hands, parting them and folding them together. Like a pocket. Or a shadow puppet.

Loki's face gave away nothing. "I do not know what you mean."

Thor sighed. "I'll see what I can find."

Thor left the bathroom for the bedroom. He shuffled through the wardrobe and searched the single chest of drawers. While doing this he listened for the water running in the bathroom next door. It was only after Thor gathered an armload of clothing to dump on the bed and sort through that he heard the water finally go on. Thor continued his sorting.

He had clothing from his earlier stays on Midgard. Clothing purchased years ago when he stayed with Tony Stark in his tower, and later when Thor lived on the Avengers compound before the survivors of the Statesman arrived. He had a decent pile. Soft, warm fabrics. Well made pieces. At one time they fit him perfectly. They would all swim on Loki. Thor picked out a pair of track pants with a thick string that adjusted the waist, a t-shirt accidentally shrunk in the washing at Avengers Tower (in his defence, it had been the first time Thor attempted to clean his own clothes), and a thick hoodie that would not fit but was at least warm. He set them aside.

The rest of the clothes pile he tossed back in the wardrobe in frustration. Thor found clean socks and added them to the pile. As much as mortals seemed to like underwear it was not something they had on Asgard so he didn't think Loki would miss it. As much as Thor had grown to like boxer shorts in the years he'd lived here, he didn't any that would fit Loki anyway. Not to mention Thor didn't think it was the sort of thing you were meant to share with other men. Underwear were somewhat like weapons in that respect - you kept to your own.

He tapped at the bathroom door hesitantly. "Loki? I've set out clean clothes for you. It's all I've got that will fit you." Loki made no response. Thor left him be and pulled out his mobile.

"What's up?" Valkyrie answered the call.

"Loki doesn't have any clothing," he told him.

"Wondered when you'd get around to noticing," she said. "Got measurements?"

"No."

She waited. "Can you get measurements?" She sounded a bit exasperated.

Thor thought of Loki's response to his suggestion of a healer and wondered how much better he'd take to the idea of someone coming near him with a strip of measuring cloth. "I'm not certain."

Valkyrie blew out a noisy breath. "We'll figure something out."

The shower ran until the hot water ran out. Loki emerged from the bathroom in a plume of steam, wrapped in towels from neck to knee. He ignored Thor hovering in the entry to the sitting room as he ducked quickly into the bedroom and shut the door. Thor backed off and retreated to the sofa to wait.

When Loki wandered into the sitting room some time later, Thor looked him over. The shower managed to return some colour to Loki's skin, pink-scrubbed a far cry better than the grey. The scars stood out in starker contrast, making Thor ill and enraged at the same time to look upon them. As expected the clothes didn't fit Loki especially well. The track pants were cinched tight. The shrunken t-shirt was still too loose on Loki's emancipated frame. Loki was holding the hoodie at arm's length in bafflement. "Is this a jacket?"

"No. It's like...think of it like a very warm tunic. One that doesn't require a robe or jacket over top. It can be worn indoors or out."

Loki didn't look any less baffled, but he dropped it over his head all the same, tugging and smoothing it down. It would have been big on his Loki, always sleek in form where Thor carried bulk. On this Loki it could have fit him double.

At least the socks fit.

"We'll get you some other clothes," Thor promised. "This should tide you over for now."

"These are fine," Loki said. He paused for several seconds, watching Thor watch him. "Thank you."

Thor smiled, close-mouthed. Loki didn't need to thank him. Not for anything. Certainly not for old clothes when Thor was determined he'd have new ones very soon. "You're welcome," he said anyway. "If there's anything you want or need, you need only ask."

"I will remember." Loki's face was unreadable. He backed out of the sitting room and returned to the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

Thor thought this the longest conversation the two of them had had since the day they arrived in New Asgard. Thor hoped this was a sign of improvement.

*******

Things did not improve in the following days, as it turned out. But nor did they worsen.

Asgard grew. Thor, though he had rarely left the house, heard the distant sound of building and faint drift of voices. His house was solitary, built high above the sea and apart from the rest of the settlement. He wanted it close to the place he last set eyes on his father, but without the risk of looking upon it each time he ventured outdoors. But Asgard was creeping closer. Once Thor could walk almost all the way down into the village without setting eyes on another soul. No doubt that was not to be the case much longer. He didn't know how it made him feel.

Growing up Asgard was all around him. The palace of his birth was the beating heart of the city. Hundreds lived and worked within. Thousands more built their lives around it. Not a day went by without Thor being amongst his people. Even the rare days he was in no mood for company he was never truly alone. Servants came and went. His friends might seek him out. His mother, with her uncanny ability to sense when he was out of sorts, would ask him to take a walk with her. And of course Loki lived in the set of rooms next to his.

His brother strolled into Thor's quarters uninvited whenever he pleased, often plopping down in a chair and seeming content not to move. He did this even when Thor was not there. Many a time Thor walked into his living space thinking he'd be alone and there was Loki in front of the fire reading a book or taking a nap. Once he found Loki at Thor's own desk writing a letter and Loki had the gall to be cross with him for interrupting.

Thor had long believed it wasn't in his nature to be a solitary man. Thanos taught him better.

Loki slipped into the room fresh from the shower and quietly seated himself on the end of the sofa. Loki's voluntary willingness to be in Thor's presence was a recent development. It was only one day prior that, instead of disappearing into the bedroom or out of the house altogether, after they finished eating Loki eased into the sitting room and sat on the edge of the seat of Thor's lone armchair. Thor, once he convinced himself it was not an hallucination spurred by too much alcohol, had taken up a place on the sofa and asked Loki if he wanted to watch TV. He'd taken Loki's minute shrug as ascent and turned the set on. Loki had not stayed with him long. But later in the day he'd come back and sat with Thor again.

Thor watched Loki now in the reflection of the blank television screen. Loki wasn't looking at him. Instead he was studying his surroundings. He did this often, Thor noticed. Looking at walls, floors, furnishings, Thor's few shabby decorations. Loki took in everything around him. Thor didn't know if he was simply curious, or trying to determine if anything was real. Thor picked up the remote control and set it back down again. "Let's do something today," he found himself saying.

Loki peered at him from the corner of his eyes. "Did you have something in mind?"

"Yes," Thor said. Loki waited. "No, actually. I have nothing. But that's never stopped me before." Thor rose from his chair. Loki didn't move. "We could go for a walk. We haven't really since we got here. What do you think?"

If Loki had an opinion he was keeping it to himself. Still, he rose silently and when Thor went for the door Loki followed. Once outside Thor was wracked with regret for this idea. Loki barely interacted with him, much less anyone else in the settlement. And the settlement was bustling with people these days. Thor spoke with Valkyrie enough to know there was growing awareness of Loki's presence among their people. Thor could only imagine the kinds of rumours swirling. Thor knew where this Loki came from and even he had difficulty getting his mind around it at times.

Thor led Loki away from the settlement, following the path toward the cliff where Odin bade his sons farewell in another life. Before long Thor veered off the path in a direction leading away from the sea. After a few miles they came to a steady incline and carefully made their way along a meandering path that slowly turned back toward the water until they stood upon the top of a different cliff. From there they could see the settlement in the distance, looking small and tucked away.

It was a blistering day. The wind assailing them as it blew in hard and cold off the water. The water far below was dark and choppy. Thor loved it like this, wild and alive. He shot a grin at Loki, who looked impassively back, a shudder running through his body. Thor's grin died.

"Are you cold?" he asked. Loki shook his head. "We can go back." Another head shake and Loki stared out at the sea.

Thor felt a sudden stab of shame twist at his guts. His Loki spoke up when he was cold. Or hot. Or hungry. His Loki complained when he was tired or fed up or bored. His Loki owned more clothes than anyone Thor knew with the possible exception of their mother, and Loki was not shy in making good use of his wardrobe, changing his clothing at the slightest whim.

Thor swept his eyes over this Loki. Dressed in the ill-fitting clothes Thor collected from among his own wardrobe they hung off Loki's too-thin frame. Huddled as he was in Thor's hoodie, it was clearly doing little to keep him warm. Likewise the old pair of sneakers Thor found that didn't fit him, but did Loki. Socks would only do so much to keep Loki's toes from freezing.

His Loki would have changed by now, conjuring something warmer if he was cold. Or loudly announcing he didn't care for this place and departing back to the house. Or demanding Thor build him a fire. Or shifting into a bird form to fly away. Or. Or. Or. A thousand things his Loki would do differently. Yet this one stood silently and shivered.

And Thor thought he was capable of caring for his little brother. He didn't know why. He only ever succeeded at getting him killed.

Tears pricked at his eyes. Thor looked away, out over the sea. He didn't want Loki seeing him cry. It didn't feel right. He wouldn't care if it were his Loki. Tears had not been strangers between them, not Thor's tears to Loki, nor Loki's to Thor. But the man standing nearby now...he was not Thor's brother. Not really. And it hurt. The pain seared through Thor and stole away his breath.

This was not Loki. Thor knew it. He always did. But it was a man with Loki's face. A man lost to his own family. His own Thor. And Thor felt he owed him - the other Thor. The one who must surely walk out to the Bifrost each day and look outward and think of his lost brother while wondering how it all went so wrong. Thor could not ease the pain of that Thor. All he could do was keep safe the brother he loved and lost.

When his breath eased and the tears no longer threatened to betray him, Thor turned back to Loki. "Come," he said. "Let's head back."

Not waiting for an answer he knew wasn't forthcoming Thor turned to go. He paused to peel off his jacket and offer it to the other man. Loki glanced at him then with a look of caution. Thor tried for a smile and gestured with the jacket. Slowly, Loki reached for it. He stared at the jacket in his hands for a long moment, as if confused as to why he had it. Thor moved off without another word, confident Loki would follow. Further along the path he glanced back. Loki was walking a few steps behind, Thor's jacket wrapped snugly around him.

Back at the house they found boxes piled tidily by the door. Inside were stacks of new clothes.

*******

"Your magic," Thor began, trying for casual. "I've not seen you use it since we arrived here. Is something wrong?"

He kept his back to where Loki sat at the small kitchen table while Thor fixed their morning meal. He'd slept badly. Many a time wanting to get up and pace the house only to remember Loki was (hopefully) asleep tucked away in Thor's bedroom. Thor hadn't wanted to disturb Loki's rest with his own restlessness so he stayed put on the sofa, often sitting up to worry and fret in the dark. He drank whatever was at hand and despaired at being so far from the kitchen where he might find more. Whenever he laid down and shut his eyes his mind worked. Seeing Loki shivering. Watching Loki still and quiet. Wondering why Loki wasn't fighting him.

Wondering why Loki was still there.

It was the wondering at why Loki remained that sent Thor's mind down a differing path. He tried to remember when he saw Loki using magic last. Whether it be the fog of drink or the pain of more loss coupled with the joy of finding who he thought was his brother, Thor couldn't remember much of what occurred during the end of the last battle with Thanos' forces. He remembered Loki defending himself with magic against Strange and the others. He remembered the little witch arriving and subduing Loki with her own magic and the subsequent move to Strange's house. Had Loki used magic there? Thor thought hard but honestly could not recall. He was almost certain Loki hadn't used magic since arriving in New Asgard.

The silence behind him was suffocating.

"I know you do not wish to see a healer." Thor pulled down down a plate to stack toast upon. "But if there's something wrong with your magic, perhaps we might inquire about another magic user helping you."

More silence.

Thor missed his mother with an intensity that nearly put him on his knees. _She would know what to do,_ he thought. _She would know what Loki needs._ For a wild, reckless moment he thought to return to the past in which he saw her, spoke to her, with Loki in tow. Frigga would not refuse them. She would help.

The moment passed. Thor was alone and never felt more ill-suited to a task.

He finished preparing their food and carried it to the table. "Eat," he said sternly as was now his custom at every meal. As was his custom at every meal Loki waited until Thor filled his own plate and began eating before touching anything. He drank the water Thor placed before him without command or comment. Thor took it as a victory. Small as it was.

Thor let the silence rule them, focusing on the immediate goal of getting food into Loki. He wasn't eating much, but he was eating and regularly. That was important for the well-being of his magic, Thor remembered. Sleeping as well. His Loki fluctuated wildly between sleeping too little and sleeping for days.

Thor thought while he chewed. He'd been trying to recall as much as he could about Loki's magic and things that might affect it. He remembered woefully little. _Because you didn't think it important_ , a nasty voice in the back of his mind reminded him. Thor was shamed to admit the voice was right. He never paid much attention to Loki's magic except for when he had need of it. Even then he had little respect for it. Which Loki knew and resented him for, silently seething over the years until his anger boiled over and burned everyone around him. Loki most of all.

 _Serves me right_ , Thor thought, watching this Loki chewing slowly and methodically on a piece of toast. If only he had listened more and mocked less maybe none of this would have ever happened. Maybe his Loki would be the one sitting across from him now. Maybe Thor would know how to help this one.

"So," Thor said, "what do you think?"

Loki eyed him. "About?"

"Finding another magic user who might aid you. Perhaps we'll find someone who knows you. Knew my Loki, I mean," Thor finished awkwardly.

He wasn't altogether sure who they might ask or even if there was anyone in New Asgard who could assist. He was certain Asgard had lost all of its most powerful magic users. The loss of Odin, Frigga, and Loki alone was a blow from which Asgard might not recover in generations, if at all. To his knowledge Loki never trained anyone, nor did Odin. Frigga taught Loki as much as Loki taught himself. Thor wasn't sure if his mother taught anyone else. Magic ran strong in her family, but the only ones he knew of still living were on Vanaheim. That is, they were among the living before Thanos rampaged across the galaxy.

"Is that what you want?" Loki asked mildly.

 _He is testing me._ "I only want to help you," Thor spoke earnestly. His Loki would undoubtedly mock him for his honesty. "I know not enough of magic to help. I thought finding another might be useful. But only if you allow it."

"If I refuse?"

"Then we will speak no more of this."

Loki studied him. "Very well," he said. "I refuse."

Thor nodded. "All right. It's settled."

Two days later there was a witch at the door.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hi," Wanda said, looking deeply uncertain. Perhaps because she and Thor never had much to do with one another. Perhaps she was remembering having once sent him headlong into a dream state that foreshadowed the ruin of his people. Perhaps she was merely uncomfortable in his presence.

Or perhaps it was the presence of Valkyrie at her back.

"Found this one wandering around," Valkyrie said. She did not look pleased.

"My name's Wanda."

"Did I ask?"

Wanda shifted her weight awkwardly, like there was a sword at her back. In a way there was. Valkyrie did not need her weapon in hand to make others bleed.

But the little witch was no helpless mortal. Thor looked her over, checking for signs of the red haze the heralded the coming of her magic. There was nothing. Either Valkyrie caught her truly unaware or else Wanda was restraining herself admirably for the sake of seeing him.

Thor was leaning toward the later. "I did not expect to see you here." He kept his voice cordial, but did not invite her in. Loki was resting and she was not expected.

She shifted again. "I know. I'm sorry for just showing up like this. I wanted to talk to you."

"I have a phone." Not that he was keen on answering it.

"I know," she said again. "But I thought...can I come in?"

"No."

"Oh." Wanda blinked at his rudeness. "Um." She glance over her shoulder at Valkyrie. "Maybe I can come back a little later? I really think we should talk."

"One moment." Thor retreated into the house long enough to scratch out a brief note for Loki, telling him he'd be back soon. He wondered where best to put it before deciding to leave it propped against a cup on the coffee table. On his way out of the house he pulled the door shut quietly behind him. "Do you mind if we walk while we speak?"

"Not at all."

Thor nodded at Valkyrie and she backed off reluctantly, departing down the footpath away from the house. Wanda watched her go. "She's...nice."

Thor chuckled. "She can be. When she decides you are worthy of it." He waved a hand in an after-you gesture and the two of them set off at a slow pace. Thor kept them well behind Valkyrie for a time before branching off on another path toward a route that would skirt the settlement from a higher vantage point.

As they walked Thor asked how things were faring in the US.

Wanda made a face. "Okay. I guess. People are trying to reintegrate into lives that stopped for them five years ago, but went on for everyone else they left behind. It's hard. It's confusing. Some of the stories have been kinda awful. I saw a story on the news about a woman who returned and hoped to find her family waiting. Only both her parents had died while she was gone, her daughter committed suicide, and her husband remarried. There's a lot of happy stories, but there seems too many that are tragic."

Sometimes Thor did not fully appreciate the briefness of the lives of humans. Even in the depths of his own suffering the years went by in a blur. Five years to mortals were not the same as five years to Asgardians.

"And then with Clint being arrested - "

Thor stopped. "What?"

Wanda blinked. "You didn't hear?"

"Hear what?"

"I thought...I mean it's been kind of a big story. It's been all over the news."

"I do not follow your news," Thor said. There was little point. The mortals' news was _terrible_. Full of crime and despair, scandal and corruption. He didn't know how any of them could stand it.

"Oh. Um. Okay." Wanda looked pained. "Guess I thought Dr. Banner or Steve would've called to fill you in."

They may have tried. Thor rarely answered his phone, and he hadn't listened to any of the messages left since the one from Steve Rogers asking him to come to Tony Stark's funeral service. Thor would've liked to pay his respect and bid his old friend farewell, but to go meant leaving Loki alone here. Thor didn't want to do that.

Wanda steeled herself. "Apparently, while we were all...gone, Clint was travelling the world and killing people he deemed unworthy of living. Like drug lords and gangsters. He was angry they survived the snap when his wife and kids hadn't."

Thor stared at her. "You are talking of Clint Barton, yes? About this high," Thor hovered a hand beneath his chin, "fights with bow and arrow?"

"Yep. That's him."

"I don't understand."

"You are not alone there, believe me. It's all been very strange. But he's only been arrested. There hasn't been a trial yet. He's facing charges in the US, and there's at least six other countries fighting over extradition. Apparently there were a few law enforcement types undercover among the dead. Clint's made a lot of people really angry. Nick Fury's gotten involved. Clint's being held without bail. I tried to go see him once, but they wouldn't let me in. I think maybe they thought I was going to break him out or something. Steve went to see him. I don't know what they talked about, but Steve was pretty grim afterwards."

"This is disturbing news you bring," Thor said.

"Sorry to be the one to bring it."

"It's not your fault." But Thor would check his messages from now on. Clint Barton's troubles likely explained why neither Shield nor Nick Fury had made themselves known given Loki's presence. Thor had not wanted to look too hard at reasons why he and Loki were being left in peace. Until now. Thor eyed Wanda. She was not the Avenger Thor expected to find at his door.

The pair of them continued on, allowing silence to fill the space between them as they walked. They reached a point along the trail where one could track all the progress New Asgard was making at building and expanding to accommodate their newly returned population. It was far more impressive from up here than down below.

"It's beautiful here." Wanda stopped to take in the view. The sea was calm today and the sun shone overhead. If one didn't know better New Asgard could almost pass as a tranquil fishing village.

"Yes," Thor replied. It was beautiful, but not as beautiful as Asgard of old. "I know you did not come all this way to update me on news of Clint Barton's troubles. What did you wish to speak to me about?" She gave him a knowing look. He smiled thinly in return. "What of him?" For Wanda had no other reason to be here than Loki.

"How is Loki?" Wanda was curious, that much was obvious.

"It's kind of you to ask," Thor evaded.

"Kinder if you answered."

"He is doing well enough," Thor hedged his answer. Loki always told him the best lies were the ones containing seeds of truth. Loki was doing better than when he first arrived. "I can't imagine what he has been through. I remember all too well what my brother was like when he returned to us after his time with the Titan. My heart weeps to think on what this Loki experienced."

"He was tortured." She wasn't asking. Wanda wrapped her arms around her as if cold in spite of the coat she wore.

"Aye." There was no need to blunt the truth. Anyone with eyes who saw Loki upon that burned out field knew the truth of the matter.

"Both of them?"

Thor hesitated. "I know little about what happened to my brother. Loki was always reluctant to speak of what happened to him during the time we believed him dead. Perhaps he feared speaking of it would make it more real. Years passed before he admitted having even crossed paths with Thanos. But some of the things he said of the Titan...I fear Loki was tormented."

"I'm sorry."

"As am I."

Thor would go to his death with regrets over having failed to get to the truth of what occurred after Loki's fall from the Bifrost. His long absence from Asgard, hidden from the sight of Heimdall and Frigga, to his eventual re-emergence on Midgard, half-mad and obsessed with gaining power. Thor let his own anger overtake his sense when he should have pressed for answers. He knew something had had to have happened to turn Loki's heart and mind down such a destructive path. But in this Thor proved to be his father's son, for Odin had been no better with the son he long believed dead.

"Does Loki..." Wanda hesitated, frowning as she parsed what she wanted to say. "He realizes this isn't his timeline, right? Does he understand what happened?"

"Does anyone?"

"Pretty sure Dr. Banner is in some serious denial. Not sure about Dr. Strange. He seems to accept this Loki is displaced, but whenever he has to talk about it he gets this furrow between his eyebrows like the whole thing is giving him a headache."

"Ah."

"And don't think I didn't notice you haven't answered the questions," she quirked a small smile at him.

"I explained what happened to bring him here," Thor said. "Loki listened." That Loki didn't believe a word of it was an issue Thor was at a loss to resolve. How could he find the words to convince Loki this was no trickery of Ebony Maw's when every word was viewed as such trickery?

"He must have had a lot of questions." Wanda carried the look of one who also had many.

His Loki would have asked countless questions. More than Thor could ever hope to answer. "No. He has been quiet. Which is understandable," Thor hastened to add. "This is difficult."

"Of course." Wanda was understanding. And kind. "But you're still dodging the issue."

And ruthless.

"Strange told me Loki accused you all of being a trick played by Thanos' sorcerer," she said. "Does he still think that? Does he realize this is all real? Confusingly, bafflingly real."

Thor stopped walking and turned to face her. "Does it matter?" She looked at him with such sympathy Thor turned his eyes to the sea so he did not see her pity.

"Do you think he should go back?" Wanda asked. "To his own timeline. His own universe." Thor pressed his lips together to keep from shouting down the heavens, or from crying out in despair. He shook his head. "Maybe it would be for the best?" Wanda prodded further. Thor turned a thunderous glare on her. She held her ground. "I'm not saying I think it's for the best. I don't know. I'm still trying to wrap my head around what you guys did to get everyone back."

She paused, looking down to study her hands before lifting her eyes to meet his with heartbreaking honesty. "I know you lost your brother, Thor. I know what that feels like. A part of you has been ripped away and you'll never feel whole again. I would give anything to have Pietro back, even for a day. To see him, talk him, hold him. Tell him I love and miss him." Her eyes brimmed with tears. So did Thor's.

"When you saw Loki out on that field it must have felt like you'd been given a second chance. Like you got back the time with him stolen from you. But he isn't your brother. He's another Thor's brother. In another time, in another place he has a family. They must miss him too, just as much as you miss your brother. If there's a way to send him back, we should try. Don't you think?"

"You must think me a selfish man," Thor said.

She shook her head. "Of course I don't. I think you feel alone and sad, and haven't been able to figure out what you're supposed to do next when you don't feel like doing anything at all. I don't think you knew after Loki died. I don't think you know now."

Thor shook his head ruefully. "You are very young to have the wisdom of a crone."

"Thanks," Wanda said. "I think."

"What do you want of me?"

"I'm not here to hurt him," Wanda promised. "Or you."

"Then why are you here?"

"To help. If I can."

"What help can you offer?"

She smiled, a smile that made an already youthful face all the more so. "What kind of help do you need?"

*******

Thor escorted Wanda along a winding route that brought them to the shore front on the far edge of the settlement. He peppered her with questions that frustrated them both. Thor with his inability to communicate the nature of magic, and Wanda for the inability to answer.

"I am so sorry," she said after yet another unsuccessful attempt of discussing magic. "I thought this would be easier. I've spent so long trying to understand the power I have, but maybe I don't understand it as well as I thought I did. At least not enough to compare it with your kind of magic. Maybe they're not even comparable. I don't know."

"It's all right," Thor reassured her, disappointed as he was. "It's my own fault. I did not pay near enough mind to the magic inherent in my own family when I had the chance." He'd also rejected every opportunity to learn, thinking it beneath him. Little wonder Loki ceased speaking to him of his magical studies long ago. "I don't understand enough of Loki's power to find the right questions to ask. I only know something is wrong."

"Can you think of any time in the past something similar happened?"

"I cannot." Even if it had Thor might not have noticed, selfish, self-absorbed boy he was. If there were instances in the past of Loki struggling with issues of magic he would have confided in Frigga, if anyone. Not Thor. Never Thor.

As they talked Thor noticed spaces being actively cleared nearby. The thrum of activity abounded in the village as people milled about attending to their tasks. He'd never seen New Asgard like this.

"Are they building new houses?" Wanda asked.

Thor nodded. "Our returned need places to live."

She smiled. "It's wonderful. I've never lived in a place like this. By the ocean, I mean. I love the smell of it."

So did Thor. The cold, salty bite in the air served as a constant reminder of the sea's nearness, as well as serving as warning for the danger of said sea. Massive, wild, and untameable. The water was both bounty and threat. Unrivalled beauty covered a deception to lure the unwary to their doom.

Asgardians were not seafarers, nor fishermen. Asgard of old had plenty of water, but no true seas. If the few bodies of water they did have held fish of any kind Thor had no memory of ever catching or eating any. Of all the adjustments for their people in this strange land it was making a life dependent on the sea next to their new home. And it turned out fishing was a dangerous enterprise. The sea was cold and unforgiving and there had been many an accident in those early days while they struggled to learn how to manage. Though they had not lost any of their own people - for Asgardians were a strong and hardy people, more like to be killed by monsters than exposure to cold or drowning - they oft heard stories of mortal fishermen meeting their doom upon these same waters.

But Asgard survived. Hela, Sutur, Thanos, those levelled them. But against the cold seas of Midgard they prevailed. It seemed both a weak victory and a strong one.

"I didn't see much when I arrived. Your friend intercepted me pretty quick." And marched her straight to Thor's doorstep, Wanda did not say.

"Would you like a tour?" Thor offered.

"Yes," she said, eyes shining. "Unless you don't have time." She smoothed away budding disappointment beneath a serious expression which did little to dampen her enthusiasm. "Which I completely understand. You must be very busy."

Thor couldn't help the smile. "For you? I shall make the time."

Wanda let her enthusiasm run unrestrained through the tour of New Asgard, brief as it was. Thor dutifully steered her along the waterfront to the boating docks. From there he escorted her along various pathways to see clusters of houses dotting the landscape along flats near the water to low hills that crept up to parcels of flatter lands, all of it punctuated by looming cliffs. They peeked inside the lone tavern and the two storehouses they used for general supplies. Thor pointed out a clearing used as a marketplace at various times through the years.

"You don't have a marketplace year round? Or...stores?" Wanda was curious about everything. Taking it all in as they strolled along. As people they passed took in them, whispering as they went by. Whether it was the sight of a mortal among them or Thor himself, he couldn't say.

"Not so much," Thor answered. "We did on Asgard. But here we do not have the population or the resources we once did. We ask for what we need from outside these borders and it is shipped to us. We distribute it among the people as needed, store the rest. Everything we make here," Thor shrugged, "we barter."

"Barter?" Wanda sounded delighted.

Thor chuckled. "I hope it's not so foreign a concept as that. It was still done on Asgard in some quarters. We decided early on it was in our own interests to keep to ourselves as much as possible. This was agreed upon with your world's authorities when we were granted leave to remain. As such we have little dealings with humans. We do some trading with our nearest neighbours just north of here. The rest? We trade with each other."

"What does the king of Asgard barter for?"

"Alcohol."

Her enthusiasm dimmed. "Oh. Sorry."

Thor shook his head, regretting to have cost her her exuberance with his thoughtless bluntness. "Forgive me. That was not an appropriate response."

"I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business."

"It's all right. There no wrong in asking. I'm not the man I once was. It's hardly a secret."

"I'm still sorry," she said firmly. Wanda hesitated. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

He stopped to look at her. "Thank you. But I do not think there is."

"I'm sorry for that too."

"As am I."

*******

Thor returned to the house alone after his visit with Wanda. Loki was unsurprisingly nowhere to be found. Thor trudged back out and headed along the familiar path. More surprisingly Loki was not at Odin's cliff. Thor doubled back and walked through the house once more in case he missed Loki at some point. Loki was still not there. He looked for a note and found only his untouched where it was left. Thor retraced his steps along the route he led Loki along on their walk days earlier. Nothing. He went back the house and half-ran down the path toward the settlement, scanning every which way.

No Loki.

He did run into Valkyrie. "Have you seen Loki?" he asked in half a panic. Her eyebrows shot up.

"No. Why? Lose him?"

"I don't know." Thor looked everywhere around him. He saw houses. People. Faces familiar and not. But not the one he wanted. "He's not at the house or the Bifrost site."

"Maybe he just went for a walk."

"He never does that."

"Maybe this time he did. Hey - " Valkyrie laid a hand on Thor's arm. "Take a breath. He can take care of himself."

"You don't know that," Thor said. "Nor do I."

"Yes, you do," she said firmly. "His life may not match up exactly with the other Loki, but I've got to believe any Loki can handle himself. Just the same as any Thor."

Thor blinked at her, feeling helpless and hating the feeling with everything he had.

"When did you see him last?" Valkyrie asked.

"When he went to lie down earlier. Before you arrived with Wanda. He said was tired." Loki hadn't said any such thing. He never said he was tired. He simply disappeared into the bedroom and closed the door. Thor preferred to think Loki tired than wanting to avoid him.

Valkyrie glanced around them. "Where did the witch go?"

Thor turned hard for the road leading out of the settlement and ran. He quickly found new reason for anger at himself. He could no longer run as fast as he once had. And he did not have Stormbreaker at hand. Wanda didn't mention how she reached New Asgard, but there was only one road in. At one point during their walk Thor spied an unfamiliar vehicle in the distance, parked at the side of the road next to the fence near where the pegusi roamed. It was not far.

The run left him winded when the pasture came into view. He saw the vehicle. Beside it stood Wanda. And Loki.

Neither looked happy.

Thor hurried over. As he neared Wanda saw him. She shot him an apologetic look. "Thor. Loki and I were just talking. He wanted to know why I was here."

"I asked if you summoned this witch," Loki said. His voice was flat and emotionless, but Thor heard the thread of menace lurking.

"I did not," Thor said at the same time Wanda spoke to Loki, "And I told you, no." Loki made a non-committal sound. Thor felt his heart sink. He was well acquainted with that sound. Loki believed neither of them.

Wanda glanced quickly between the two of them. She knew she'd missed something. "Loki, as I said if I'd known you knew I was here I would've been happy to talk with you. Thor thought you were sleeping and didn't want to disturb you."

"If that so?"

"Yes." Wanda was firm. "I came to see how you were doing. I don't know if you remember me - "

"You are the mortal witch who subdued me on the field of battle and then helped the weak sorcerer move and cage me."

Wanda grimaced. "Yeah. That was me."

Loki eyed her. "Your magic is strong."

"Yes."

He smiled thinly. "Too strong for a mortal, I should think."

"I don't know that you can measure something like that..."

"I assure you I can."

Wanda's eyebrows knitted in confusion. "Fine. But how I came by my abilities is a bit unusual. Maybe a lot unusual."

"Is that so?" Loki's voice was cool, his face placid. But suspicion dripped off him like poison from the fangs of the venomous tree serpents that dwelt in the forests of Alfheim.

"Yes," Wanda remained calm. "It is."

"Convenient."

"Loki," Thor hastened to intervene, fearing Loki was about to do something rash. "Wanda received her magic through experiments the mortals did on the Mind Stone."

"Something I understand I have your counterpart to thank for," Wanda said.

Loki's eyebrows went up. "Excuse me?"

"It's true," Thor said. "Loki brought the Mind Stone to Midgard years ago, though inadvertently I think. It was hidden within another device. I don't believe he ever knew what it contained. Even I did not know until some years later."

Loki scoffed. "Unaware of the presence of an Infinity Stone? Was he a fool? Or am I that you think I will believe such a contrived tale?"

Thor took a step back, stung. "Loki did not know," he insisted. If Loki knew his sceptre contained such a thing, surely he never would have allowed himself to be parted from it. Yet Thor saw Loki abandon it during their battle in New York, leaving it behind where anyone could retrieve it. And Widow did, putting an end to the invasion Loki led so recklessly. "The Infinity Stone was well hidden. A great power that does not want to be discovered will not be. Odin taught that lesson to us both."

"You still don't believe any of this is real, do you?" Wanda asked Loki.

Loki sized her up. "Should I?"

"What would be the point?" Wanda gestured around her. "Why make any of this up?"

"To see if I can be made to believe it." Loki smiled without mirth. "Maw is nothing if not inventive in his games."

"Loki, I'm real. This is real. I swear it," Thor pleaded.

"Of course you do."

Wanda was growing visibly frustrated. "To what end? What happens if you believe it?"

"Maw wins. And the games begin anew."

"Okay, but would Maw do this?" Red flared as Wanda's magic plucked Loki off the ground and sent him hurling through the air."

Thor gaped. "What are you doing?"

"He doesn't think we're real, Thor. It's time to challenge his perceptions." Wanda was focused, hands raised and glowing with red intensity. Loki quickly disappeared from view. Wanda glanced quickly at Thor. "He can swim, right?"

*******

Thor's Loki swam like a fish. This Loki too - Thor was relieved to see - swam like he was born to the sea.

A cluster of Asgardians had already gathered to watch by the time Thor arrived at the shore. A man being flung through the air and into water via magic wasn't a common sight even in old Asgard much less new.

"It is Loki," a man was saying as Thor approached the gathering with Wanda on his heels. Another added, "I told you the prince lived," while a woman whispered to her neighbour, "Where has he been?" Thor picked his way through the crowd, encouraging people to return to their work or homes. They moved slowly, but more quickly when they spied Valkyrie approaching like a, well, a Valkyrie.

"What now?" she asked.

Thor ignored her in favour of hurrying out along the dock nearest to where he saw Loki swimming. Thor reached the end just as Loki reached for the edge. Thor grabbed hold of Loki's arm and started to haul him out of the water. He almost dropped him when Loki jerked backwards with enough force to near topple Thor into the water. Thor planted his feet. "Loki, stop, it's me. It's all right." Loki calmed enough to let Thor help him up on the dock before shaking off Thor's hands.

Loki scanned the shore, going rigid when he caught sight of Wanda. She waved. Loki snarled. Experience taught Thor he was better off getting out of the way at times like these. But while Wanda had proven she could take care of herself, Thor was less certain of this Loki.

"She did it to make you angry," Thor said quickly.

Loki didn't spare him a glance. "It worked."

"I don't know how to get you to believe you're really here. Wanda thought to challenge you. To see if it made a difference." He was babbling. He didn't know why. His Loki would have walked away by now. And possibly told him to shut up.

"Fine." Loki stalked off. Thor trailed after him.

Wanda was holding her ground on dry land looking unconcerned as Loki stormed up to her. Valkyrie glanced between the two and then Thor. He shrugged helplessly. Valkyrie pressed her lips together in annoyance. "Am I going to have to babysit the two of you?" she asked. "Because I have stuff to do."

"Think I'm okay," Wanda said sweetly. Loki glared. Valkyrie rolled her eyes and walked away.

"How's the water?" Wanda asked Loki.

Loki bared his teeth at her. "Who do you think you are?"

"Wanda Maximoff," she said. "I don't think we were ever properly introduced. And you didn't answer my question. How did the water feel?"

"Wet."

"Cold?"

"Yes." Loki could've frozen the seas with his tone.

Wanda made a considering noise. "So felt pretty real, huh? How about this?" She blasted him off his feet, sending him tumbling headlong into a pile of fishing nets. Loki made a wordless sound of rage before throwing a dagger at her. She deflected. He threw another. Wanda deflected again. Loki pushed himself to his feet, kicking free of the nets. He brought forth one more dagger and ran at her. Wanda held her hands in front of her and motioned to throw him aside. Her fiery red magic passed right through him and the double quickly dissolved. The real Loki was already at her back, dagger in hand and poised to stab her.

"No!" Thor cried as he threw himself at Loki, taking him to the ground in a hard tackle. He wrestled the dagger out of Loki's hand, bending Loki's wrist back to the breaking point to force him to give up the weapon. Loki tried to shove him off once his weapon was gone, but Thor kept him pinned.

"Let me up!" Loki growled.

"No," Thor said. "Not until you swear you will not harm Wanda."

"Get off me!"

"I said no!"

"Thor," Wanda gasped. "It's all right. Let him up."

"Not until he promises not to harm you."

"Thor, I wasn't in danger."

"You didn't see him. He was going to hurt you. He can't do that!"

Thor wasn't panicking because panicking would be a bad idea. Panicking would keep him from figuring out how to make this better. He should have gotten in between them. Should have grabbed Loki sooner. Should have seen this coming. Should have known he was expected to keep Loki behaving himself. He would've had to do it if they'd made it to Earth aboard the Statesman as planned. The mortals were never going to be happy with Loki on their planet, but Loki had changed. It would have been all right. But this Loki was feral. Like the Loki of old who once invaded Earth. If the mortals thought Loki was violent and dangerous they'd take him away. Thor should've thought of that. He would've thought of it if he wasn't so busy being drunk and useless.

"Thor," Wanda said gently. "I knew he was there."

"What?"

"When he cast the image of himself, I don't know, I just felt it somehow. I knew he was sneaking up on me. I was going to throw him back in the water. Still can if you let him up," she added lightly.

Thor didn't know what to say. Or do. He was breathing too fast. Great gasps of air like he'd been held under water too long and couldn't get air fast enough. Loki shoved hard enough to dislodge him and squirm free. Thor let him go. His heart pounded in his ears. Sweat prickled at his brow. Somewhere in the distance he heard Wanda speaking.

"Hey, where are you going?" she was saying to...someone. Was she speaking to Thor? He didn't think he'd gone anywhere. Maybe he was mistaken. "Thor?" A small hand on his arm. "Thor? Are you all right?" He was, wasn't he? He shook his head. Or was he nodding? His head was going in too many directions to tell.

"Thor?" someone was saying his name. Was Wanda still there? Maybe she had left, like everyone else always did. He never got to say goodbye.

"Just breathe, okay? Deep breaths. It's going to be all right. Help! Someone! Help me!"

Someone needed help. Thor should get up and help. That's what heroes do, isn't it? Help? But he wasn't much of a hero anymore. Thor closed his eyes. Darkness followed.


	5. Chapter 5

When Thor awoke he was laid out on a hard floor, looking up at a white ceiling. It took him a moment to realize it was his floor and his ceiling in his living room. Valkyrie was seated nearby on the sofa.

"Hey," she said when she noticed him blinking at her. "Sorry to leave you down there. Getting your arse up to the house was enough of a work-out for me."

"I got him to the house. You sat on the sofa before I could get him on it," a waspish voice came from the other side of the room. Thor would almost recognize it from tone if the voice were not feminine. Soft footsteps came closer and a familiar face peering down. "Hi," Wanda smiled. "Glad you're back with us."

"Told you I had this," Valkyrie's tone was frosty. "You can leave any time."

"And I told you I'm not leaving until I'm sure Thor's all right," Wanda's voice was no warmer.

"I am," Thor sat up slowly. He felt well enough, if embarrassed. "But you don't have to leave if you do not wish." Thor glanced about him. There was no one else in the room with them. "Is Loki in the bedroom?"

Valkyrie and Wanda exchanged a terse look and Thor's stomach dropped. "He's not here. Is he?"

"No," Valkyrie was blunt. Thor appreciated that about her. He just didn't always like it.

"Sorry, Thor," Wanda added. "I haven't seen him since you passed out. He hasn't come back here."

"I see." He shouldn't have been surprised. He wasn't, really. Yet it ached all the same.

"We can go look for him though," Wanda offered. "If you're feeling better?"

"Yeah," Valkyrie pushed to her feet. "I can do a walk-about the settlement. Find out if anyone's seen him. Check around all the houses. The boats. Maybe he's hanging around one of the fields." She held a hand out and Thor let her pull him to his feet. He smiled his thanks.

"It's not necessary," he told them. "Though it is kind of you both to offer. I've never known Loki to be found when he does not want to be. I cannot imagine this one is any different. He will return when he wants to and not a moment before." _If he wants to_ , Thor did not say aloud. But judging by Valkyrie and Wanda's faces he was not the only one thinking it.

Wanda watched him with wide eyes, as if concerned he was about to make a fool of himself and collapse once more. "Do you want us to stay? I mean, I can. If you want some company. We can watch tv or - " she looked around searching for inspiration, " - or something."

If Loki had arrived with him in this place as Thor planned when they were aboard the Statesman, there was little doubt in his mind that by now their house would be overflowing with books. Stacked in every corner, on every stick of furniture, with mounds of trinkets Loki thought interesting and squirrelled away in every conceivable location. In fact, Thor imagined any home with Loki in it would look very much like Loki's apartments on Asgard. Only smaller. But with just as many books. Thor was never much of a reader. But why would he when Loki would happily retell any interesting tale he came across, complete with his own additions to make it more clever, of course.

Now Wanda was not the only one staring at him with wide eyes. Both women were watching him with wary concern. It was likely because his eyes were brimming with tears. Thor scrubbed his face roughly with both hands, embarrassed once more. And weary. So very weary.

"I appreciate your kindness. Both of you," he said. "But I think it best you depart. Loki will not return otherwise." Not until he was finished licking his wounds. Since the only injury Loki took at Wanda's hands was to his pride it might take some time. "Wanda, would you like to remain overnight? I'm certain Valkyrie can find you some accommodations."

"I wouldn't want to put anyone out."

"You can stay with me. If you want." Valkyrie offering hospitality while sounding as put upon as possible would have been amusing under other circumstances. As would Wanda's eyes going all the wider. Valkyrie glared at her. "What?"

"Nothing," Wanda said quickly. "I'd like to stay. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Valkyrie said grudgingly. She eyed Thor with a gaze that made him feel stripped to the bone. "Sure you're all right?"

He smiled and nodded. "I am."

Valkyrie pressed her lips together in a tight line, but did not offer a challenge to his lie. Instead she turned her attention to Wanda. "You eat?"

"Yes," Wanda said. "I eat."

"Good. Let's go do that." Valkyrie gave Thor a nod and turned to leave. Wanda followed up with a half-wave and an apologetic smile before following after her.

Thor waited a few minutes, giving the women time to get out of sight and letting the silence settle over the house. He watched the shadows gather in corners, darkness trailing down an unlit hallway, a closed door shrouded in stillness, and waited. Nothing changed. "They're gone. You can come out now," Thor said. There was no response. Thor remained alone.

***

By the following morning Loki had not returned. Thor waited up all night hoping it would be otherwise. He had gone out once late in the night to climb the path leading to the Bifrost site, but Loki was nowhere to be seen. Thor returned to the house to pace and try not to worry. He was very successful at the pacing. At first light he set off again to search, walking along various cliff paths, looking for any signs Loki had been through. Thor found nothing, but Valkyrie found Thor.

"Saw you up here from one of the docks," she said on approach. "Was at your house earlier. The witch was worried."

"The witch was?" Thor asked with a small smile.

Valkyrie shrugged. "She wanted to see how you were doing. You weren't home. We spent some time looking. Didn't see the other one anywhere either."

"I hope you've not forgotten his name. The Loki we knew would be very offended." And would have given considerable time, thought, and effort to venting his offence in Valkyrie's direction, bystanders be damned.

Valkyrie made a face. "Yeah, probably. Just feels weird calling this guy Loki. I knew Loki. I even gave him his own disparaging nickname. This guy looks like him, sort of, but he's not Loki. Not enough of an asshole."

"Yet he is still Loki."

"I guess." She glanced around as if Loki might be hiding round the nearest boulder and Thor had not yet noticed. "Think he took off?"

"I don't know."

"Want some help?"

"Please."

She nodded. "I'll go get the witch. Think you might both need to get your feet off the ground."

She was right. Thor retrieved Stormbreaker and took to the sky. He fly over the cliffs he'd already walked and the cliffs he'd not yet reached. He flew up higher and looked out over land and sea, as high as Thor could go and still see sharply.

He saw Valkyrie and Wanda far below in the settlement, searching. Thor saw Wanda take to the air as well, the red glow of magic lighting her against the rugged landscape. Wanda did not go as high as Thor. Mortals did not see as well as he could and he doubted Wanda's magic aided her in such a way. She seemed content to hover over houses and look over rooftops and down into the tight and overlooked spaces not well observed from the ground. Valkyrie was the most forward of them, going methodically from one house to the next and stopping to speak to every person she saw.

Thor flew higher and farther out. He flew along the bleak coastline, cold seas crashing merciless against the slowly eroding rocks holding the water at bay. A losing battle against time. Stormbreaker took him over the rolling lands and fields his people filled with animals and the plants they were trying to grow in uncooperative soils. The fields gave way to forests and hills, and then back to fields. Thor circled over neighbouring towns and villages ignoring the people who saw him overhead, pointing and crying out his name. There was only one he wished to greet at this time. And he was not there. Not in the fields, or the hills, or the forests, or the towns. Not on the cliffs, or the rocks below. The unforgiving seas offered up nothing as Thor searched their waves for life beyond what it offered in its depths.

One precious life. Thor wanted him back more than anything. But the Norns denied him. Neither could he find the one misplaced soul Thor sought to shelter.

 _He is not Loki._ Yet Thor would help him all the same. If only this Loki would let him.

By nightfall the search was at an end and Thor returned home. He half-expected to find Loki chortling with glee over having made them search for him all day. But the house remained still and silent.

The following day Valkyrie and Wanda joined him again in a search. The day after that Wanda flew as far and wide as Thor did, trying to use her magic to locate Loki. She detected nothing. At nightfall they returned to Thor's house where Valkyrie met them.

"Nothing," she said. "I talked to everyone in the settlement at least twice. No one's seen him."

"Thor, I'm so sorry," Wanda was wringing her hands. "This is my fault. I shouldn't have come."

Thor shook his head. "You only did what I could not in challenging him. My brother oft retreated from sight when he took a wound to his pride. Perhaps this Loki is not so far different."

Wanda was not soothed. "But he doesn't know where he is. He thinks he's trapped in an illusion."

"Loki is nothing is not a survivor. I am confident he is well." He held no such confidence. Thor feared what Loki might do if driven too far into despair over his situation. He'd experienced it once already. The knowledge of what was going to happen coming too late for him to do anything about it. _Loki, no!_ Thor smiled and hoped none saw the lie behind it. In Valkyrie's sudden scrutiny he knew he failed. Wanda looked no more placated than Valkyrie.

In the early dawn of morning Thor escorted Wanda out to her car. He'd slept little, and was sure it showed. Wanda politely said nothing.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay and help search some more?" she asked.

"It's all right," Thor held the car door open for her. "Loki will come back when he is ready."

Wanda still looked worried. "Will you let me know when he does?"

"Of course." He waved as she drove away and trundled back to the house. There was no one there. He stayed at home all day with the tv on, sound turned low so he might hear the door open. It didn't. No one came to the door.

That night Thor fell into an exhausted and restless sleep. Over and over he dreamed of death. Mostly Loki's. But he also dreamed of everyone else he failed. His mother. His father. His friends. When he awoke in the pre-dawn darkness there was a light on somewhere in the house. Thor struggled to his feet and stumbled through the house. He found Loki sitting at the kitchen table staring at nothing.

"You're back," Thor said stupidly, through the fog of partial awakeness and surprise.

"So I am," Loki said. He looked no better rested than Thor.

"I'm glad."

Loki studied him. "Are you?"

"I am."

Loki's scrutiny did not lessen. Thor turned away to prepare a pot of coffee, though he feared when he looked back Loki would be gone. Thor glanced back. Loki was still there. "Do you want coffee?"

Loki's brow furrowed. "I don't know what that is."

Thor blinked. "I've made it every day you've been here."

"Oh. Is that what that smell was? I couldn't place it."

"I can make you tea instead." Thor opened the nearest cupboard door and rifled through its contents. He moved to the next cupboard and did the same. He went back to the first cupboard and rummaged some more before reluctantly closing the door. "Actually, I don't have any tea. But I can get some." He wasn't sure if Valkyrie drank tea, but surely many others in the settlement did. There was likely tea in the stores.

"I'll drink your coffee," Loki said.

Thor spent too much time examining the contents of the refrigerator, followed by again the cupboards trying to find additions for Loki's coffee. Thor drank his black most of the time, but he didn't think Loki would care for it as such. When Thor put anything in his own coffee it was cream, but he had none. There was milk. Thor stared at the best before date and realized he had no idea the current date. He sniffed it and decided it was fine. Thor found some brown sugar in the back of a cupboard. It had hardened into a consistency likely not even Stormbreaker was strong enough to break. He did have honey. It tasted nothing like Asgardian honey, but his Loki loved honey and was keen to try it everywhere they travelled.

Thor carted spoons, milk, and honey over to the table before pouring two cups of coffee, taking it from the carafe before it was finished dripping.

Loki watched him with studious interest throughout his preparations. Thor poured milk into his own cup before pushing it across to Loki. Loki sniffed the contents of the milk carton before adding some to his cup. Loki tasted the coffee and made a face. Thor pointed at the honey. Loki sniffed that as well and added a generous dollop of honey. He tasted again, made another face. Added more honey.

"This is tolerable," Loki finally said after stirring in yet more honey.

Thor hid a smile in his cup. "It takes some getting used to."

"That's true of a great many things, I think."

"Yes," Thor agreed.

"You're real, aren't you?"

Thor's heart lifted. "Yes."

Loki sipped his coffee. "Though you'd say that even if you weren't real."

And just like that Thor's heart sank once more. "I suppose that's so."

"But you are. Real. And if you are real then so is all this wretchedness."

Thor watched and waited, hardly daring to breath. Loki shot him a look bordering on irritation. "This is the part where you're supposed to assure me this is all real."

"Oh," Thor said. "Sorry. But yes. It is. All of it. Real, I mean." He paused. "May I ask what helped you decide? You've been so certain trickery was at play. That Ebony Maw was to blame."

"Well, yes." Loki clutched his mug with white-knuckled intensity, "That's just it. Maw is always so dedicated in his deceptions. So thorough. But in all the times he used my memories against me - used you - it was never like this." He glanced at Thor. "He twisted and ruined you in every conceivable fashion, but there was always something that gave it away. As much as he could use my memories, my fears, my lo...my affections, he didn't know the people. He didn't know you."

Loki sipped carefully at his drink. "He never once had a little mortal witch come along to pick me up and throw me in a body of water." He laughed a little. "She didn't even try to drown me. Nor did you. And you stopped me when I tried to stab her. Either Maw is losing his touch, or this is all appallingly real."

Thor didn't know what to say. "Where were you before? Where did you go?"

Loki shrugged. "Away. Trying to find the edge to the illusion. Looking for paths to walk that might bring me to freedom." His mouth quirked at the edges. "Maw's no fool, but there were times when it seemed I understood his power better than he understood mine. I need neither ship nor Bifrost to get to places. I'm not sure he ever quite grasped that. I learned some time ago to recognize the falseness of an illusion by looking where there should be a pathway and finding nothing. There should have been one out of here on that cliffside, near where the Bifrost landed." Loki frowned. "I even feel it, but there's nothing there. A remnant, nothing more. That's never happened before."

Thor swallowed. "I explained..."

Loki nodded. "You did. I know. I thought...if I could sense the Bifrost's energy, even if the rest was an illusion, Heimdall might still hear me. I thought Maw made an error and had brought me to a place Asgard had once been." Loki looked away, his eyes turning far more distant than the wall behind the sink. "I finally had hope. But Heimdall didn't answer. No one came for me."

Loki went quiet. Thor was afraid of saying anything that would upset the precarious balance they were perched upon. That Loki might decide he was right to disbelieve this reality and everything in it. Disbelieve Thor. Thor quietly drank his coffee and waited it out.

Loki emerged from within his own head, clearing his throat and continued talking as if he hadn't stopped. "After the debacle with the little witch I ventured farther out in these lands. I wasn't expecting to find anything. But then I did. I found other paths. Active paths I could use. So I went to Vanaheim."

Thor's eyebrows shot up. "You did? Did you see anyone?"

"No," Loki said. "But I wasn't really looking. I did recognize the area though. A heavily forested area near that village, you know the one where Hogun's sister lives?" Thor nodded. He remembered it well.

"Deeper in those woods there was a path to Asgard. At least there used to be. But it's gone. Just like the one here. I could sense it, but it's not there anymore. I came back here, found and walked a path to Alfheim and looked for their pathways to Asgard. Those were gone as well. I even went to Jotunheim to seek out the pathway to Asgard I last walked. It's gone too. Everywhere I went I called to Heimdall and received only silence. So I came back. Because apparently I have no where else to go."

"Loki..."

"Is it true?" Loki's eyes bore into him with startling intensity. "Everything you said? About what happened to Asgard? Hela? Odin? And with Thanos? And...and your brother."

"Yes," Thor said. "It's all true."

"And I came here from another place and time?"

"Yes."

"Then you don't know if what happened to Asgard here happened there? Or will happen, rather."

"I have no way of knowing," Thor admitted. "But if the circumstances of Hela's existence are the same as here, the risk is there."

"Unless they can be warned."

"Yes."

Loki's eyes drifted to his cooling coffee. "And Maw?"

"Dead. Ours and yours. Thanos as well."

Loki nodded. "Good," he said quietly. "That's good." He looked back up at Thor. "What now?"

Thor had wanted nothing more than for Loki to believe him since they met on the field of battle. Now that he did, Thor didn't know what to say. "I'm not sure."

"Will I be able to go home?"

"I don't know," Thor said honestly. "The mortals believe they invented time travel. I fear all they've done is make a mess that cannot be undone in each of the timelines they visited."

"Oh." Loki's shoulders slumped. "I always hoped I might see mother again."

"I'm sorry, Loki."

"As am I."

They sat across from each other in silence until the blazing sun climbed high up in the sky.

***

Loki believing Thor was real resolved surprisingly little. Loki was still stranded outside his own timeline. Thor's brother was still dead. The universe continued on with little concern for their woes.

"Where did the witch go?" Loki asked the following day. They'd both slept late. Loki showered and dressed before wandering into the kitchen where Thor was fussing over meal preparation.

Thor had made food for them after Loki returned. As had become his habit, Thor unthinkingly filled Loki's plate and commanded him to eat. He'd been treated to a glare so filled with offence Thor didn't know if he should shout with joy or run for cover. Loki had made the choice for him by snatching up the plate before Thor could react and slapped it down at Thor's own place setting. Loki grabbed Thor's empty plate and served himself. Thor sat and smiled stupidly, eating the food he'd served Loki. Loki kept glaring, as if daring Thor to make a challenge while he ate. But Thor only kept smiling.

Loki poured his own coffee, splashing in milk and frowning after each addition of honey before settling on the right amount. Thor ducked his head to hide another smile. One day he'd like to take Loki to a town with a coffee shop and purchase him a mocha piled high with whipped cream. Loki might prefer it greatly over regular coffee.

"She returned home," Thor said. He'd remembered his promise and sent Wanda a brief message telling her Loki had returned. Her responding message of 'I'm so glad!' was followed by a strange serious of symbols, some of which resembled faces with varying expressions. Not even Allspeak was any help in deciphering its meaning.

Loki leaned a hip against the counter by the coffee pot. "She is powerful. I've not been bested like that in a long time. Not before Maw anyway." Loki laughed suddenly. Thor stared at him in surprise. "I wouldn't wish Maw on anyone, but I confess to being curious how he'd fare against her."

"I think she would do well," Thor said. "In this last battle Wanda concentrated her efforts on grinding Thanos into the dirt."

"I'm sorry I missed it."

"You didn't see?" Thor tried to sound casual. He was uncertain as to how Loki came to be on the battlefield. The timeline mishap he understood, but what Loki was doing amongst Thanos' ground forces was a mystery. When Thor had looked across that crowded field of combatants he hadn't noticed Loki in the sea of faces. Thor wondered if he'd been tucked far away in the rear, away from the main forces. Or if he was hidden, by his choice or otherwise.

"No," Loki said. He didn't elaborate. Thor let it drop.

"What do you want to do today? We can go for a walk. Or we can stay in and watch movies. Mortals have many means of entertainment. I'm sure there are some you'll like. I don't have many books, but I can get some if you want to read."

Loki gave Thor a long look. "What do you normally do? I'm not sure exactly how long I've been here. I suppose I've been keeping you from attending to matters. Your council must be eager for your attendance. How often do you normally meet with them?"

"My what?" Thor couldn't hide his surprise. Meeting with a council was something he hadn't thought about in years. He wasn't sure he even had one. Not since the Statesman, anyway.

Loki echoed his surprise. "You said Odin was dead?" Suspicion crept across his face.

"He is," Thor said. "He died here, as I told you."

"Then you are king." It wasn't a question.

"I - yes, but - it's complicated," Thor offered lamely.

"No," Loki said curtly. "It's not. If Odin is dead, you are Asgard's king." Loki studied him. "Who is on your council?" Thor was silent. "Do you even have one?" Thor pressed his lips together and looked away. Loki answering sigh brimmed with annoyance. "Do you have an heir at least?"

Thor shot Loki a pointed look. "He died."

If anything Loki grew more annoyed. "Is that it then? Odin dead. Loki is dead. Thor refuses his duty." Loki's face went blank, his tone flat. "A line of kings going back a hundred thousand years is broken. Asgard is truly dead."

"Asgard is not dead," Thor said hotly. "Asgard is its peo..." Thor choked on the words. His father's words. How Odin must despair of what's become of him. How he's failed. "As long as our people live, there is hope for us."

"Is there?" Loki did not believe him. Little wonder since Thor barely believed himself. "How? When there is no one to lead them."

"There's Valkyrie," Thor mumbled. Loki made a judgmental noise in his throat. "What?"

"I said nothing."

"Say what you mean to say or leave me in peace," Thor snapped. He wanted to take the words back immediately, but Loki was already standing upright. He set his coffee cup down with a loud thump.

"As you wish," he said. "Your majesty." He gave Thor a mocking bow and walked away. Moments later Thor heard the front door slam.

***

This time Thor didn't go chasing after him. Loki would be back. He wouldn't return just to walk away now. _Because he truly has nowhere else to go, not because he wants to stay_ , Thor's guts reminded him with a twist of guilt. He ate the meal he'd prepared for them without tasting it, put the extra food away, and cleaned up the kitchen. He took a cue from Loki and showered and dressed in fresh clothes, before settling in front of the tv to wait for Loki to return.

He did not.

Valkyrie came knocking on the door a handful of hours later. "Hey, something wrong with your food?"

"No," Thor said with confusion. "Why?"

"Because you-know-who is sitting in my kitchen eating mine."

For several long moments Thor said nothing. He cleared his throat. "I apologize for the intrusion."

"Didn't say it was an intrusion."

"I'll replace the food, of course."

Her eyes narrowed. "Didn't ask for that either."

Worried he'd caused offence Thor tried to lighten the mood. "Perhaps he simply enjoys your company." He smiled tightly. She didn't smile back. Thor gave up. "He may be taking your measure," he confessed.

Valkyrie's mouth twisted like Thor had confirmed her worst suspicion. "How'd I get dragged into this?"

"It's...a long tale."

She exhaled slowly. "Somehow I'm not surprised. You two were exhausting the first time around. Not sure what to make of the latest version."

Thor steeled himself. "I will fetch him." Valkyrie smirked as if to say _good luck_.

Thor set off for Valkyrie's house. Valkyrie, he noted, did not follow. Her small house was a five minute walk from Thor's own. Unlike his her home was set among a group of other houses. The house was white with blue trim, clean windows, and a tidy yard. The layout of her house was not like Thor's, her kitchen and sitting room were one large room separated by a short, half-wall with the extra rooms on the side. The entrance to the house let into the kitchen.

Thor peered through the kitchen window before letting himself in Valkyrie's home. Sure enough Loki was within, sitting at her cheerfully yellow table with its blue checkered place mats and eating a sandwich. The handmade bowl of entwined metal leaves and branches that sat in the centre of the table was empty. Normally it was full of fruit. There was a neat pile of apple and pear cores on the side of Loki's plate. Though the cup in front of him was empty, the fragrant scent of tea lingered in the air.

Loki barely glanced at him as Thor came in, but he held himself stiffly, shoulders and back in tight lines. His face still blank. _He's angry,_ Thor realized. But angry as Loki once was before he broke and his rage spilled forth in violence and viciousness. When Loki was younger this was how he held himself when angry. Still. Stuffing his feelings down where no one could see them and mock him for them. Keeping his anger and resentment contained while they built up until eventually exploding forth and bringing Loki to his ruin.

It had been a harsh lesson for Thor, finding out his brother carried so much rage within. Rage at their family. Their friends. Asgard.

At Thor.

He'd been blind. Ignorant in his arrogance that Loki brushed off every belittling comment as easily as they were spoken. As Thor spoke them.

Norns. And yet Thor wondered what could possible have brought forth Loki's madness before his fall off the Bifrost. When next he saw Loki upon Midgard, his brother was out of control. This one had spent longer in the company of Thanos and his children, but seemed to have a tighter rein on his anger. For now.

After a moment's hesitation Thor pulled out a chair and sat opposite. Loki ignored him and concentrated on his sandwich.

"Why are you here?" Thor asked finally.

Loki took another bite and chewed thoughtfully. "Got hungry."

"There's food at my house."

Loki shrugged. "Hers was closer."

"Why are you here, really?"

"Why do you think?"

"I've of no mind to play games with you," Thor said, thoughtlessly harsh. He regretted the tone, worried it might send Loki away from him again.

Loki showed no sign of being bothered. He finished the sandwich and wiped his hands and mouth on a cloth napkin that matched the place mats. "She's interesting," he said mildly.

"Valkyrie? Aye."

"Strong-willed. Sharp tongued. Not particularly patient. Slightly hostile."

"Aye," Thor agreed again.

"She looks at me as though she's unsure whether to wrap me in a warm blanket or remove my liver with her bare hands and eat it."

"That's..." Not an unfair assessment. "Valkyrie is a complicated woman."

Loki hummed. "Yet I do not see why you ceded your throne to her."

"I didn't, exactly," Thor said slowly.

"She seems to have taken it up nonetheless."

"Perhaps she felt she had to. Asgard needs a leader." Thor was unapologetic in this. He'd failed. Someone had to step up. If his brother had lived, Loki would have done it and Thor would've let him.

Loki studied him with unsettling intensity. Thor refused to be intimidated by that gaze, even as it reminded him uncomfortably of Odin. Loki slapped his palms firmly on the table, the sudden noise making Thor jump.

"Well," Loki said. "I guess that's settled." He stood and quickly cleared away the detritus of his meal, disposing of the garbage and setting the plate in the sink.

"It is?" Thor was confused. Was still Loki angry? Or had he decided the matter didn't concern him?

"Of course," Loki's smile was sharp enough to slice open someone's throat. He walked away from Thor and let himself out of Valkyrie's house. Thor was left blinking at the closed door wondering what had happened here.


End file.
